One theme that underlies every aspect of this conflict is Bob Malm’s efforts at gaslighting. The term gaslighting refers to trying to blame the cite of abuse by claiming that they are the abuser—as in claiming that I am a “domestic terrorist.” Gaslighting is, itself, considered a form of abuse, and it’s something I’ve seen Bob Malm engage in multiple times, including his multiple lies under oath (like claiming that my mother has made multiple appointments to meet him).
It’s interesting, too — Leslie and Lindsey Malm both try this tactic, as do Lisa and Lucy Medley. Further confirmation that Grace Church is toxic.
Here are comments on the topics of gaslighting and abuse posted by the Rev. Andrew Kadel in response to my recent article on Episcopal Cafe. See if it sounds familiar.
Eric, This is excellent in every way. One thing that tends to muddle discussion and understanding of this, is under the rubric of “believe victims.” One element of abuse is gaslighting, and an element of the gaslighting can be that the abuser poses as a victim. In the cold light of day, and when one steps back outside of the situation, it becomes clear that it is absurd, but for those who have an interest in shielding the abuser, it provides a rationale that is difficult to refute in heated situations. It’s important to give credence to the stories of the abused which takes attention & compassion. The abusers, their sycophants & allies will always do things to make that difficult to do, including claiming that the victim is the abuser, or that the abuser is the victim.The work of Wade Mullen, a baptist seminary professor, is very good on this.This is his Twitter: Wade Mullen @wad3mullen