Showing posts with label spiritual abuse. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual abuse. Show all posts

Friday, January 24, 2020

A Must-Watch: The Rev. Wade Mullen Describes Planet Malm Perfectly

Check out Twitter buddy Wade Mullen’s excellent video presentation on spiritual abuse. Well worth a look and possibly enlightening for members of Planet Malm and the diocese who approach with an open mind. And yes, I find many of the forms of manipulation described here to be an accurate description of Bob Malm’s conduct.

Also, check out the excellent part on supplication (institutional protection of abusers) at 32:28. Bob Malm and the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, writ large.

Lastly, take a look at Wade’s description of how his former church moved to healing by admitting specifically the ways in which it had engaged in spiritual abuse. You won’t see anything like that from Grace Church or the Diocese of Virginia; both are organizational narcissists and believe their conduct to be beyond reproach.



Saturday, November 30, 2019

Reflections on Friendly Versus Faithful


One of the things I learned from my experiences with perjuring priest Bob Malm and toxic Grace Episcopal church is that many people conflate friendly with faithful. As in, “Bob’s a good guy,” or “you’ll be welcomed with open arms.” Yes, Bob Malm is an ostensibly friendly guy. Yes, Grace Episcopal is a seemingly friendly church. But right behind both exist layers of toxic behavior that are contrary to the real meaning of Christianity.

It’s interesting: From friendly, people attribute ethical qualities. As one chucklehead at Christ Church said, “Why would you say that about a good man like Bob Malm?” referring to my assertion that Bob Malm committed perjury. Yet it doesn’t take much interaction at all to discover that Bob is a man who lies under oath, tries to drag the dying into court, deliberately misuses funds, directs church staff to exclude others, and goes after innocent family members in pursuit of his vendettas. In short, he is the antithesis of what one should expect of a priest.

My advice to anyone sizing up a new church or a new clergyperson: Take your time. Watch their actions. Ignore the flattery, smiles, hugs, and other window dressing.

I’d also point out that Bob’s comments about others are inappropriate for clergy, or anyone for that matter. Referring to Jan Spence as an “asshole,” or Lisa Doelp as “like a little spy,” is wrong. Nor do I believe his comments about Lisa. Nor do these sorts of comments build up others.

Similarly, folks can talk all they want about what a friendly church Grace is. but that doesn’t justify things like the bullying, gossip, and other inappropriate conduct that come from office staff, the choir, and the altar guild. Nor is there ever any excuse for urging people to commit suicide, Alison Campbell’s fun and games, or Lisa Medley’s toxic behavior. The fact that Bob Malm turns a blind eye to this sort of conduct and allows folks like this to serve in leadership positions reveals just how thoroughly broken Grace Church is. Grace, like many spiritually abusive churches, is like a yew, with pretty red berries. Yes, they are beautiful on the surface, but if you partake of them, you will find that they are toxic.

These issues extend to the diocese itself, where there is zero concept of accountability and no clergy discipline, unless the alleged misconduct involves sex. It is sad that The Episcopal Church is locked into a Madmen-era notion of misconduct in which only sex counts.

Lastly, to young people who turn their back on organized religion due to issues like this, I say this: You are spot on. Any church or denomination in which this sort of thing is okay is not one you should support. You won’t find Jesus or God in the midst of these modern-day Scribes and Pharisees.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Looking for an Inclusive Church? A Center for Outreach and Healing? If so, visit Grace Episcopal Alexandria

Looking for a friendly, welcoming church? A center for outreach and healing? If so, here’s a great example of the way people at Grace Episcopal Alexandria talk to others under Bob Malm’s reign.


If this is your idea of the Christian faith, please join Grace Episcopal this Sunday. 

You will be warmly welcomed!


Sunday, June 24, 2018

Good Tweet from Dr. Diane Langberg

Diane, an expert on abusive churches, recently tweeted this.





Guess that includes Mike, received into TEC 16 months prior to Bob Malm’s decision to tell Mike he is unwelcome at Grace church.

Oh, wait: David Crosby says there are two sides to this, so I guess Bob Malm’s conduct towards Mike and the resulting trauma doesn’t count.

No wonder I have zero use for Episcopal clergy. Any clergy that won’t call a spade a spade when it comes to abuse is worse than useless.

Sunday, February 25, 2018

Bob Malm’s Mess

A friend of mine — a keen observer of human nature — recently pointed out something I already knew, which is that Bob Malm is trying to discredit me by telling people that I am “unbalanced,” She also added a very astute observation, which is that while that argument may work with Grace church, it doesn’t work at at all with prospective church members, but instead drives the latter away.

How so? Because outsiders, not drawn in by Bob’s manipulation, quickly recognize that going around telling people that a former parishioner is mentally ill is conduct unbecoming for clergy. Not only does Bob have no expertise or training in psychology, but even if his assertions were true they are not the sort of thing you share publicly.

The end result is that the more Bob attempts to discredit those who would hold him accountable for his behavior, the more quickly things unravel at Grace Church. That trend is accelerated by those, like Leslie Malm, who go around lying about what transpired. When people realize that parishioners have adopted Bob’s approach to conflict resolution, they see that Grace has become toxic. And no matter how Bob tries to manipulate and bully his way out of things, parishioners eventually realize that Bob has never — not once — reached out to me or any member of my family and asked the question, “What would it take to resolve this?” Instead, Bob clings to his magical thinking that somehow he is going to prevail, and suddenly everything will be as it was 5 years ago.

The reality is that, even if this blog, my mom’s blog, and all the social media criticism of Bob’s behavior went away tomorrow, he and Grace church would still have a major problem on their hands. It’s called Bob’s behavior. And any priest who thinks it’s okay to try to force parishioners out of church for complaining about his or her bullying behavior has no business being a priest.