Showing posts with label Hypocrisy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Hypocrisy. Show all posts

Sunday, August 16, 2020

Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Preaches on the Subject of Reconciliation


Grace Episcopal Alexandria
Although most churches are experiencing dwindling attendance at their streamed services, it’s worth tuning into perjuring priest Bob Malm’s sermon from this Sunday, hosted on Vimeo. Why? Because his hypocrisy is hilarious, as he gasses on about forgiveness and reconciliation.

Highlights of perjuring priest Bob Malm’s laughable sermon are when he talks about the importance of listening before you speak, and how our parents taught us this. Having seen firsthand multiple instances of Bob’s narcissistic rages, which in one case occurred without anything being said by the the other party, that’s pretty rich.

Then there’s his bit drawn from the Sermon on the Mount, in which Jesus tells us that if our sibling has something against us, we are to first to be reconciled to her, then to offer our gift at the altar. Coming from someone who refused my written settlement offer from 2016, which asked only that he leave us alone, that’s laughable. Of course, we’re now five years into our conflict, and still going at it, hammer and tongs.

Also of note is perjuring priest Bob Malm’s bit about respecting the other person. Somehow, I don’t think that includes bearing false witness, including falsely claiming that my mother or someone claiming to be her contacted him repeatedly to set up appointments, only to no-show. Nor does it include trying to drag a dying woman, incontinent, dependent on oxygen, and receiving palliative care, into court.

In short, to understand perjuring priest Bob Malm’s ministry one has to look at is his actions, not his words. When we do look at his actions, we see the reality, which is that beneath the fine words there is zero substance.

BTW, a far better sermon, more germane to the mess that is Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, is Michael Guy’s, in which he talks about Jesus’ admonition that it is what we say that defiles us, for it comes from the heart. This is the sort of reminder that folks at Grace need, which is the way they talk to and about each other is wrong. Find Michael’s sermon here.

Friday, July 3, 2020

False Faith: Reflections on Kemp Williams’ Article in Grace Notes



Grace Episcopal Alexandria — Kemp Williams

I read with wry amusement the piece by Kemp Williams in this month’s edition of Grace Notes. Indeed, the juxtaposition of Kemp’s comments and those of Michael Guy at the start of this month’s edition makes his comments deliciously ironic, and Kemp has no idea how clueless his comments really are.

In his article, Kemp babbles on about Grace being welcoming, inclusive, and accepting. And you know what? All of those are true. And therein lies the irony.

At the heart of the matter is the issue of what comprises the paradigm into which one is being welcomed. If the environment is loving, then inclusion indeed is a good thing. If the environment is hateful, then inclusion is a bad thing, for it broadens the circle of hate. And when, as at Grace, the environment into which one is welcomed is superficially friendly, but hateful and ugly beneath the surface, then inclusion is not just a bad a thing — it is downright deceptive.

Who and what exactly am I talking about? I am talking about the things already covered in this blog:
  • Clergy who commit perjury. Yes, that would be Bob Malm.
  • Clergy who lie with impunity.
  • The ugly, behind-the-scenes smear campaigns coming from various persons connected with the parish, alleging that I have embezzled money, am mentally ill, have engaged in physical abuse of my husband, fraudulently steered contracts to friends, and more.
  • A church that tries to drag a dying woman into court in violation of the law.
  • A church that makes false statements of law and fact in court.
  • A church that refers to members as “domestic terrorists.”
  • Members, including Kemp Williams and Kelly Gable, who talk about others, versus to others. That’s longhand for “gossiping.”
  • Kelly Gable’s and Bob Malm’s defamation.
  • Members who speculate about the personal lives of others. See above.
  • Single female members who pursue married men in the parish.
  • Members who threaten Mike’s job.
  • Bob Malm forcing Mike out of the church, then lying and claiming that he left on his own in July 2015.
And all too often, members conflate friendly with faithful. One can be friendly, and not be faithful. In fact, some of the most toxic churches are the friendliest, and you can quote me on that.

Michael Guy’s comments are spot on:
One sin always before us is how we treat our brothers and sisters. If we are not loving them as God loves us, then we are sinning. Even though one has a right to have an opposing opinion, it does not give one the right to disrespect that sister or brother. Disrespect is seen in forms of abuse, mentally or physically and sometimes both. This is not love. Before we say, “I am not disrespectful,” to witness this and ignore it is a sin of omission. It remains a sin.
And Grace parishioners ignore Bob Malm’s conduct, that of Sugarland Chiow, and that of the church itself in court, as well as Kelly Gable and others that they elect to the vestry. Yet as Michael Guy reminds us, “To witness this and ignore it is a sin of omission.” (Let’s not forget that this includes Michael Guy and Jason Roberson themselves, as well as bishop Susan Goff and the rest of the Mayo House fatcats.)

Jesus addresses these issues. In Matthew, he says:
You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every sound tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears evil fruit. 18 A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will know them by their fruits.
And so it is with Grace Church. While Kemp may bloviate about worshipping in the beauty of holiness, neither his worship, nor that of anyone else at Grace Church, means a thing when they ignore outrageous and shocking misconduct in the parish, their own and that of others. And when Kemp and others turn a blind eye to their own behavior, and that of the church itself, happily secure in their circle of friends at the church, they trade faithful for friendly.

Or, as Jesus says, “ 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

In other words, one cannot worship in the beauty of holiness when one sins against another. The beauty of holiness has nothing to do with a pretty building with stained glass, incense, and bright shiny things. Worshipping God in the beauty of holiness refers to the beauty of holiness itself, or acting in a holy way. And whether it’s the childish bullying and social aggression in the altar guild, the choir, at the vestry, or even the immaturity of Lisa Medley and others flipping me the middle finger in public, these things are not holiness.

And as Michael Guy notes, the Sugarland Chiows, Jan Spences, Kemp Williams, Kelly Gables, Lisa Medleys, Bob Malms and Alison Campbells of the world need to recognize that when they engage in their childish games, make obscene gestures, or engage in defamation, they’re doing those things to Jesus. The fact that they are current with their pledge, or polished the altar ware on Saturday, or went to Shrine Mont last fall, does not in any way lessen their sin.

So when they wonder why Grace Church is falling apart, or lament the chaos that they claim will come from my blogging about the clergy perjury parish, they would do far better to start by turning a critical eye to their own conduct. Something about the log in thy own eye....

And in closing, I remind the good Christians that I am not the only person who has left the parish over these issues. It’s time to stop lying, making excuses, and ducking responsibility.




Saturday, June 13, 2020

The Hypocrisy of +Jennifer Brooke-Davidson

Recently, I noted that diocese of Virginia bishop Jennifer Brooke-Davidson is sitting on the Title IV hearing panel for Bishop Love, the ironically named bishop of Albany who opposes same-sex marriage.

Below is the email I sent to Jennifer, which I copied to Todd Ousley and Bishop Susan Goff.

For his privacy, the name of the former priest in the one example has been redacted.

Jennifer,

I read with interest of your role in the Title IV matter concerning +Love. As one of the first same-sex couples married in the diocese, and the first to have my relationship blessed at Grace Church in Alexandria, I would like to comment on this issue.

As you know, I am in the midst of litigation involving Bob Malm, my former rector. Among the issues are his efforts to use the Virginia protective order system as a strategic lawsuit against public participation, his perjury during litigation, and his defamation per se, in which he claimed that I embezzled from a. previous employer. The latter is absolutely, categorically untrue, and the fact that Bob lied to Shannon Johnston about the timeline of the alleged events is profoundly troubling. Bob claimed that the events in question happened before I came to Grace Church, despite knowing full well that they occurred while I served on the vestry. Indeed, he and I spoke about them several times, and there is no possibility of a faulty recollection on his part. Instead, I surmise that Bob lied about the timeline to avoid questions about his own judgment, as my serving on the vestry would have been problematic indeed were these accusations true.

Even more troubling is that you now sit in on a Title IV hearing panel when you and the diocese have yourselves ignored the express provisions of Title IV. Specifically, the diocese has repeatedly refused to provide the pastoral response mandated by Title IV whenever a complaint is made to the intake officer. Moreover, intake officer Caroline Parkinson falsely stated that the matter of Malm’s retaliation for our complaint by removing our names from the parish directory, which occurred in fall 2015, was previously considered by the reference panel during the summer of 2015. As I sarcastically stated at the time, I was not aware that the ability to time travel is one of the benefits of ordination. And Shannon Johnston has falsely claimed that the matter was “investigated and resolved long ago,” despite the fact that it was dismissed out of hand and NOT investigated.

Moreover, the diocese doubled down on dumb by accusing me and my family, in writing, of being duplicitous and more. Even were that the case, Title IV is only about clergy conduct, and it is not unknown for those who have faced abuse in the church to make poor decisions in response. And abuse need not be sexual in nature.

Most troubling is the fact that the diocese has even gone so far as to say, in writing, that it will only deal with Bob Malm’s perjury if he is convicted. As you well know, perjury is a difficult crime to charge, and all the more so when clergy are involved. Yet in other cases the diocese has not required a criminal conviction in order for Title IV to apply. For example, at the time adultery was still a crime in Virginia, yet the diocese did not invoke the requirement of a criminal conviction to address the issues with XXXXXXXXXXX. (Speaking of, the diocese largely turned its back on XXXXXXXXXXX, on the grounds that Shannon Johnston had been told by counsel not to get too involved. Thus, no meaningful pastoral response was provided.) I can only hope that this is not the standard that applies for child abuse.

When I first contacted the diocese, I asked it to mediate the dispute with Bob. It refused, on the grounds that Bob’s conduct, including my concerns about possible gender-based harassment and violations of the ADEA, were not “of weighty and material importance to the ministry of the church.” I can only say that only in The Episcopal Church would allegations of gender-based harassment be regarded as irrelevant.

At this point, the damage is done, and I believe it is irreparable. Mike and I have left organized Christianity, with no plans to return. Many are aware of our experiences, and I believe it is important for people to know that The Episcopal Church does not follow Title IV when it does not wish to do so. People should also know that, to this day, the diocese continues to defend Bob’s inexcusable and outrageous conduct, even though it is easy indeed to confirm that Bob committed perjury. And tens of thousands of dollars will be spent by the church and its insurance carrier to avoid telling the truth, which is that Bob Malm has behaved in a manner that discredits the church. And until full disclosure is made, Grace Church cannot begin the healing process with any hope of success.

In the meantime, I urge you to recuse yourself from the hearing panel. While I do not condone +Love’s actions, neither can I support a process in which you and the diocese ignore the express provisions of Title IV, yet purport to judge another bishop over the very same issue.

Regards,


Eric Bonetti

Saturday, May 2, 2020

Looking for Jesus? You Won’t Find Him in the Discourse at Grace Church

As Grace Church prepares for Dysfunctional Bob’s departure and the arrival of an interim rector, one thing is painfully clear: Any interim brave enough (or perhaps foolish enough) to take the position has her work cut out for her. Specifically, after 30 years of Dysfunctional Bob and his sordid example, the way people in the church talk about each other, and to each other, is appalling.

To be sure, it took me a long time to spot this issue myself. Indeed, it was a member of the Grace Episcopal School staff, herself Episcopal, who pointed it out to me in 2014. Her exact words: “I would never belong to your church, and it’s because of the way people talk to each other. And it goes right to the top. And I’ll tell you right now, Bob will never say anything about it. And because he engages in a certain amount of it himself, he shows people that it’s alright.”

At the time, I foolishly came to Bob’s defense; it was more than a year later before I finally realized that she was absolutely correct.

Now, with the advantage of hindsight, and having seen firsthand that Dysfunctional Bob is morally bankrupt and a perjurer as well, I realize that this ugly discourse does indeed permeate every aspect of Grace Church. Whether it’s Alison Campbell and her fun and games with the altar guild; Lisa Medley and her bullying/bitchy behavior; Teresa Preston and her gestures that indicate she believes I’m mentally ill; Eric Waskowiscz, Amy Medrick and others with their one-gun salutes to Jesus, or Bob Malm in his emails to the vestry and the diocese, there is a profoundly un-Christian attitude within the church that comes to the surface when parishioners talk to each other.

Before we go further, I am not the only one to notice it. Kyle Babin, himself the target of bullying by choir members, called it an “evil spirit” at Grace Church.  Former member John Cunningham posted to Facebook, saying he left the parish due to bullying and other abusive conduct (screen cap below).



Additionally, folks at the Wartburg Watch commented on ugly comments from Lisa Medley and Leslie Malm; the former didn’t even have the courage to post under her name. Their comment: “[these parishioners] seem sane to themselves, they seem immature and hateful to outsiders looking at their behavior.” (Screen cap below)


Going right to the top, we have Dysfunctional Bob’s email to the vestry, in which he describes me as a “sad individual...starving for attention.” While this is an interesting bit of projection from Bob Malm, who regularly curries adulation in order to support his shaky sense of self, the fact the he feels comfortable talking about a former parishioner to the vestry in this manner is telling and illustrates the church culture that Bob has promoted during his 30 years with the parish. (Screen cap below.)




Of course, there also is the comment from a college-aged member of Lisa Medley’s family, in which she urges me to commit suicide. (Screen cap below.)


So what can an interim do to address this situation? Establishing written norms would be helpful, but unpacking and fixing 30 years’ of Dysfunctional Bob’s toxic behavior and lessons learned within the parish about conflict resolution will probably take professional intervention. Even then, it’s an uphill battle, and both the diocese and church members like to sweep such issues under the rug and deny that an issue exists. Indeed, toxic parishioners like Lisa Medley not only deny that an issue exists, but also attack anyone who raises these issues. (Screen cap below.)



It should also be noted that Dee Parsons, publisher of the Wartburg Watch, herself experienced Bob Malm’s efforts at bullying and manipulating her. First, Bob tried the noisy bluster approach, which didn’t work at all. Then he tried flattery. Then he tried manipulation, claiming that Dee had promised to take down any posts about me, all the while ignoring Dee’s recommendation to work towards reconciliation.

As one looks at other correspondence from within the parish, including Jean Reed’s speculation that I am mentally ill, as well as former friend Kemp Williams comments, one reaches the same conclusion that user Ishy, a commenter on the Wartburg Watch, came to as she asked church members:

“What kind of Christians are you? I don’t see any love or concern for Eric in your posts. I don’t see that you tried to do anything about it other than make sure Eric couldn’t come back either. (Emphasis added. Original in screen cap above.)

That conclusion holds true for Bishop Susan Goff on down to the Grace Church vestry and membership. Nowhere is there any evidence of any real concern including for Mike and my other family members hurt by Bob Malm’s conduct, and that of the church. 

So, if you are a prospective interim and you are reading this, just know that if you take the job you are going to have one toxic mess on your hands, and one that requires professional outside intervention.

On the other hand, if you are a church leader reading this and contemplating hiring Bob Malm as supply clergy, you should know that this is part of the baggage that comes with Bob Malm. Caveat emptor.

Lastly, if you are a prospective member, it is important to know that right behind the beautiful, friendly exterior, this is the sort of internal rot that runs rampant at Grace Church. If you join the parish, this is part of the package deal. To quote Proverbs, “in the tongue is the power of life and death.”

Grace Church is just plain bad karma.




Sunday, April 26, 2020

Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Wastes Time and Money, Announces He’s Taking Interim Training




At today’s service, perjuring priest Bob Malm, now interim rector at St. Gabriel’s Marion, announced that, during the coming week, he will be taking online interim training. The move is a waste of time and money for all involved.

Interim training is the formal education by which clergy learn how to serve as interims. Topics covered include how to help congregations come to terms with the past, how to vision the future, how to align with denominational norms, and more.

The problems with perjuring priest Bob Malm serving as an interim are myriad and touch on all these areas.

First, the timing underscores the lack of seriousness with which the diocese and parish are taking these issues. The average interim period runs for 12-16 months, often longer when a rector has been with a parish for an extended period of time. Now, seven months into this gig (no way I’m going to use the term “calling”), perjuring priest Bob Malm finally gets his training. That right there speaks volumes about the transition process in DioMass.

Second, my belief is that it would be difficult to find clergy less suited to interim ministry than perjuring priest Bob Malm. Between his narcissistic focus on self, to his confident but empty professions of faith, to his utter lack of personal integrity, to his disastrous tenure at Grace Episcopal, Bob has none of the attributes needed to help a parish transition successfully.

Third, Bishop Gates and the diocesan staff are largely responsible for this debacle. They are fully aware of the issues with perjuring priest Bob Malm, but seemingly have accepted the assurances coming from DioVA and perjuring priest Bob Malm himself that there’s nothing troubling about Bob’s conduct. That of course is like asking the fox who destroyed the hen house — one is highly unlikely to get an accurate answer.

That said, one need only look to the tone and tenor of perjuring priest Bob Malm’s correspondence with parish and diocesan officials, in which he refers to me as “sick,” “twisted,” and “dysfunctional,” or his weird claims that he’s threatened by “domestic terrorism,” to realize just how spectacularly ill-suited Bob is to the task. Then we come to the matter of his decision to try to drag a dying woman into court, which is irrefutable; and his perjury, which is readily ascertained simply by asking Bob to provide one scrap of evidence to support his claim that my mother, or someone claiming to be her, repeatedly set up appointments with him, only to cancel.

In ignoring these unambiguous warning signs, Gates’ conduct is akin to saying, “Yes, we knew there were allegations that Father X molested children, but we had assurances that these allegations were not true.” 

The reality is that perjury is a serious charge, and the fact that perjuring priest Bob Malm can continue to serve as a priest without any examination of the underlying issues makes clear that both the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts and DioVA are utterly corrupt, as are the bishops and staff of both.

Fourth and most importantly, no rector is going to be successful over time, nor the parish that he or she serves, when their entire ministry is a lie. Jesus came to lift up the poor, the oppressed, the outcast. Perjuring priest Bob Malm creates the oppressed, the outcast. In short, perjuring priest Bob Malm is the modern-day version of the very same Scribes and Pharisees against whom Jesus railed. 

Bottom line, hypocrisy can never serve as the basis for a healthy faith, nor can it result in a healthy church.

Thursday, April 16, 2020

More Evidence of the Hypocrisy of Perjuring Priest Bob Malm

One of perjuring priest Bob Malm’s least attractive qualities is his tendency to tell people what he thinks they want to hear, even when it’s not true. And this appears to be starting anew at St. Gabriel’s in Marion, Mass., where perjuring priest Bob Malm serves as interim rector.

In a local news story covering the effect of COVID-19 churches in his area, perjuring priest Bob Malm says:


That is inconsistent with his behavior as rector of Grace Church, where Bob didn’t even bother to meet regularly with church wardens. Even when, as in my case, they had his back while he was out on disability. Yet Bob never failed to get in his month at the beach, his junkets “out of town,” his week off for the Boston Marathon, and more. Indeed, Bob traveled to Massachusetts twice, and to Georgia once, while still collecting disability in 2014. Too sick to come to work, but not too sick to travel more than 3,528 miles by car and to spend six weeks at the beach.

Nor did Bob make any greater effort during his final year as rector. Indeed, like many narcissists, Bob tried to manage perceptions on the way out the door by volunteering just how feckless he had been, saying:


And given that Grace church, like most churches, pretty much recycles the same vestry members over time, this is a stunning admission.

But then, given that hanging with perjuring priest Bob Malm is not exactly a slice of paradise, perhaps the folks at St. Gabriel’s should count themselves lucky.


Sunday, March 29, 2020

Matthew Dumont-Machowski: Another Hypocrite from Grace Episcopal

Matt Dumont-Machowski


There’s something about Grace Episcopal that breeds hypocrites. Maybe it’s lead in the water pipes. Maybe it’s, as one priest has put it, “an evil spirit.” Or more likely it’s 30 years of perjuring priest Bob Malm.

Check out the amusing screen cap of Matthew Dumont-Machowski’s Twitter page that follows:

Matthew Dumont-Machowski

If nothing else, if Matt is serious about ministry, why wouldn’t he want to increase engagement versus decrease it? Is his faith really that thin?

Meanwhile, if you go to Matt’s website, he bloviates on about refugees, human rights, etc. All worthy endeavors and appropriate for public scrutiny, but meanwhile Matt would do better to look right underneath his nose at Bob Malm’s perjury, his efforts to drag a dying woman into court, his deliberate misuse of church memorial donations, his lies to parishioners, and his feckless approach to being rector. Or, while we’re on the topic of human rights, maybe Matt would be so kind at to share his views on the ethics of a $100,000 bonus for Bob Malm, while cutting health care benefits to parish employees. Or perhaps he can tell me how parishioners urging me to commit suicide comports with his notion of Christianity.

Or let’s cut to the quick and just ask Matt to proffer one iota of support for Bob Malm’s sworn testimony, signed in front of notary and parishioner Jane Rosman, that my mother or someone purporting to be her contacted Bob repeatedly to set up appointments. Should be an easy request—as clergy, isn’t Matt supposed to be resisting injustice and oppression? Or are those just pretty but meaningless words?

As I have said of Bob Malm, “Jesus welcomes outcasts. Bob Malm creates outcasts.”

The good news is that, given its current trajectory, the Episcopal Church only has about 27 more Easters to go. Frankly, being rid of the self-righteous hypocrisy of Matt and so many other Episcopal clergy won’t come a day too soon.

Wednesday, February 26, 2020

Check it Out: More Lenten Hypocrisy from Bishop Susan Goff

You have to hand it to bishop Susan Goff and the other fat cats at Mayo House—they have real chutzpah. The sort that just makes me laugh at their hypocrisy.

In her Lenten message, Bishop Susan Goff gases on about the winter of our souls, and the spring-like blossoms that can be found if we look. She cites several examples, most notably: “in the reconciliation that comes when we dare to listen without judgment and speak without reproach..”

That begs the question: How does this comport with brushing off Bob Malm’s perjury by saying you’ll only take action if he faces criminal charges? Doesn’t charity start at home? How is brushing off misconduct “listening?”

If that is the best she can do, Susan Goff would do all involved a favor by retiring.

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Reflections on Friendly Versus Faithful


One of the things I learned from my experiences with perjuring priest Bob Malm and toxic Grace Episcopal church is that many people conflate friendly with faithful. As in, “Bob’s a good guy,” or “you’ll be welcomed with open arms.” Yes, Bob Malm is an ostensibly friendly guy. Yes, Grace Episcopal is a seemingly friendly church. But right behind both exist layers of toxic behavior that are contrary to the real meaning of Christianity.

It’s interesting: From friendly, people attribute ethical qualities. As one chucklehead at Christ Church said, “Why would you say that about a good man like Bob Malm?” referring to my assertion that Bob Malm committed perjury. Yet it doesn’t take much interaction at all to discover that Bob is a man who lies under oath, tries to drag the dying into court, deliberately misuses funds, directs church staff to exclude others, and goes after innocent family members in pursuit of his vendettas. In short, he is the antithesis of what one should expect of a priest.

My advice to anyone sizing up a new church or a new clergyperson: Take your time. Watch their actions. Ignore the flattery, smiles, hugs, and other window dressing.

I’d also point out that Bob’s comments about others are inappropriate for clergy, or anyone for that matter. Referring to Jan Spence as an “asshole,” or Lisa Doelp as “like a little spy,” is wrong. Nor do I believe his comments about Lisa. Nor do these sorts of comments build up others.

Similarly, folks can talk all they want about what a friendly church Grace is. but that doesn’t justify things like the bullying, gossip, and other inappropriate conduct that come from office staff, the choir, and the altar guild. Nor is there ever any excuse for urging people to commit suicide, Alison Campbell’s fun and games, or Lisa Medley’s toxic behavior. The fact that Bob Malm turns a blind eye to this sort of conduct and allows folks like this to serve in leadership positions reveals just how thoroughly broken Grace Church is. Grace, like many spiritually abusive churches, is like a yew, with pretty red berries. Yes, they are beautiful on the surface, but if you partake of them, you will find that they are toxic.

These issues extend to the diocese itself, where there is zero concept of accountability and no clergy discipline, unless the alleged misconduct involves sex. It is sad that The Episcopal Church is locked into a Madmen-era notion of misconduct in which only sex counts.

Lastly, to young people who turn their back on organized religion due to issues like this, I say this: You are spot on. Any church or denomination in which this sort of thing is okay is not one you should support. You won’t find Jesus or God in the midst of these modern-day Scribes and Pharisees.

Thursday, September 26, 2019

How Does This Square With Forcing Mike Out of The Church?

In his most recent sermon posted to the church website, perjuring priest Bob Malm bloviates on about caring for those who feel cast out. So how does that square with Bob Malm forcing Mike out out of the church?

Here is the relevant part of Bob’s sermon:

And here is Bob’s email, in which, in true passive-aggressive Bob Malm fashion, Bob announces that Mike needs to find a new church:


And here is a photo of Mike being received into the church 16 months earlier, along with our friends Tony and Diane. All three have left the church, along with me and the rest of my family.


So, I have this to say about Bob Malm’s sermon: Total BS. Absolute hypocrisy.

Thursday, September 19, 2019

Looking for Jesus? You Won’t Find Him in the Discourse at Grace Church

As Grace Church prepares for Dysfunctional Bob’s departure and the arrival of an interim rector, one thing is painfully clear: Any interim brave enough (or perhaps foolish enough) to take the position has her work cut out for her. Specifically, after 30 years of Dysfunctional Bob and his sordid example, the way people in the church talk about each other, and to each other, is appalling.

To be sure, it took me a long time to spot this issue myself. Indeed, it was a member of the Grace Episcopal School staff, herself Episcopal, who pointed it out to me in 2014. Her exact words: “I would never belong to your church, and it’s because of the way people talk to each other. And it goes right to the top. And I’ll tell you right now, Bob will never say anything about it. And because he engages in a certain amount of it himself, he shows people that it’s alright.”

At the time, I foolishly came to Bob’s defense; it was more than a year later before I finally realized that she was absolutely correct.

Now, with the advantage of hindsight, and having seen firsthand that Dysfunctional Bob is morally bankrupt and a perjurer as well, I realize that this ugly discourse does indeed permeate every aspect of Grace Church. Whether it’s Alison Campbell and her fun and games with the altar guild; Lisa Medley and her bullying/bitchy behavior; Teresa Preston and her gestures that indicate she believes I’m mentally ill; Eric Waskowiscz, Amy Medrick and others with their one-gun salutes to Jesus, or Bob Malm in his emails to the vestry and the diocese, there is a profoundly un-Christian attitude within the church that comes to the surface when parishioners talk to each other.

Before we go further, I am not the only one to notice it. Kyle Babin, himself the target of bullying by choir members, called it an “evil spirit” at Grace Church.  Former member John Cunningham posted to Facebook, saying he left the parish due to bullying and other abusive conduct (screen cap below).



Additionally, folks at the Wartburg Watch commented on ugly comments from Lisa Medley and Leslie Malm; the former didn’t even have the courage to post under her name. Their comment: “[these parishioners] seem sane to themselves, they seem immature and hateful to outsiders looking at their behavior.” (Screen cap below)


Going right to the top, we have Dysfunctional Bob’s email to the vestry, in which he describes me as a “sad individual...starving for attention.” While this is an interesting bit of projection from Bob Malm, who regularly curries adulation in order to support his shaky sense of self, the fact the he feels comfortable talking about a former parishioner to the vestry in this manner is telling and illustrates the church culture that Bob has promoted during his 30 years with the parish. (Screen cap below.)




Of course, there also is the comment from a college-aged member of Lisa Medley’s family, in which she urges me to commit suicide. (Screen cap below.)


So what can an interim do to address this situation? Establishing written norms would be helpful, but unpacking and fixing 30 years’ of Dysfunctional Bob’s toxic behavior and lessons learned within the parish about conflict resolution will probably take professional intervention. Even then, it’s an uphill battle, and both the diocese and church members like to sweep such issues under the rug and deny that an issue exists. Indeed, toxic parishioners like Lisa Medley not only deny that an issue exists, but also attack anyone who raises these issues. (Screen cap below.)



It should also be noted that Dee Parsons, publisher of the Wartburg Watch, herself experienced Bob Malm’s efforts at bullying and manipulating her. First, Bob tried the noisy bluster approach, which didn’t work at all. Then he tried flattery. Then he tried manipulation, claiming that Dee had promised to take down any posts about me, all the while ignoring Dee’s recommendation to work towards reconciliation.

As one looks at other correspondence from within the parish, including Jean Reed’s speculation that I am mentally ill, as well as former friend Kemp Williams’ comments, one reaches the same conclusion that user Ishy, a commenter on the Wartburg Watch, came to as she asked church members:

“What kind of Christians are you? I don’t see any love or concern for Eric in your posts. I don’t see that you tried to do anything about it other than make sure Eric couldn’t come back either. (Emphasis added. Original in screen cap above.)

That conclusion holds true for Bishop Susan Goff on down to the Grace Church vestry and membership. Nowhere is there any evidence of any real concerns including for Mike and my other family members hurt by Bob Malm’s conduct, and that of the church. 

So, if you are a prospective interim and you are reading this, just know that if you take the job you are going to have one toxic mess on your hands, and one that requires professional outside intervention.

On the other hand, if you are a church leader reading this and contemplating hiring Bob Malm as supply clergy, you should know that this is part of the baggage that comes with Bob Malm. Caveat emptor.

Lastly, if you are a prospective member, it is important to know that right behind the beautiful, friendly exterior, this is the sort of internal rot that runs rampant at Grace Church. If you join the parish, this is part of the package deal. To quote Proverbs, “in the tongue is the power of life and death.”

Grace Church is just plain bad karma.




Wednesday, May 22, 2019

Melissa Hollerith:Truth in Advertising?

Check it out—a screen cap of Melissa Hollerith’s Twitter account, in which she claims to be sharing “love, forgiveness and grace.” 

To that, I say bullshit.

How can she make this claim when she just signed off on the notion that perjury is okay for Episcopal clergy as long as they’re not convicted? When she and other officials repeatedly ignore church canon law in order to avoid dealing with abusive clergy? When it’s okay for clergy to try and drag the dying into court, to threaten people, to bully other Christians and more?

Jesus would have no use for Melissa and the other modern-day Scribes and Pharisees of the Episcopal Church, where criminal conduct is okay. 

Just don’t get convicted.

PS Amusingly enough, Melissa teaches ethics at St. Albans school. If that’s where our future is leading, the Episcopal Church is already as good as gone.




Wednesday, April 3, 2019

Grace Church Members to Renew Baptismal Vows at Easter. I Call BS

Okay, so I’m a little slow at times.

Bob Malm and many others will be part of the Easter Vigil at Grace Episcopal this year, where inter alia they will renew their baptismal vows.

So how exactly does that work? Bob Malm commits perjury, tries to drag a dying woman into court, goes after innocent family members, lies repeatedly, and refers to people entrusted to his pastoral care as “sick and twisted,” and yet he’s standing up there in front of hundreds proclaiming the Gospel and renewing his vows to “respect the dignity of every human being?”

Given Bob’s track record, he should put a sock on it. Jesus may be Lord, but Jesus has nothing to do with Bob’s conduct, nor Jeff Chiow’s actions, nor much of the church’s behavior.

So, while Bob proclaims “Jesus is Lord,” I proclaim, “Bob Malm is a fraud.”



Saturday, January 5, 2019

A Working Covenant: Bishops’ Promise Proves Hollow

Last summer, the bishops of The Episcopal Church, having heard the #churchtoo testimony, entered into a covenant to work for justice and inclusion for all. A copy of the covenant follows.

So is this covenant consistent with my experience with the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia? Answer: It isn’t.

Engaging in retaliation for asking the diocese to mediate a dispute with clergy? One that involves workplace harassment? Clergy committing perjury in court? Illegally misusing funds? And telling me that the matter isn’t of “of weighty and material importance to the ministry of the church?” If that’s the case, what on earth qualifies? Rape, mayhem and murder? 

Let me just say this: Thus far, The Episcopal Church has shown that it is utterly broken and hypocritical at every level. And that includes both Bishop Susan and Bishop Shannon. Their only interest to date has been in protecting the reputation of the church.

Here is the text of the covenant that Bishop Goff presumably voted to approve, emphases added:

A Working Covenant for the Practice of Equity and Justice for All in The Episcopal Church

Giving thanks to God and listening deeply to the recent outcry expressing pain and brokenness in our church, we recognize the urgent need for change. The church as both community of faith and workplace is not immune to abuse, harassment and exploitation of people of varying gender, racial and cultural identities. As pastoral and prophetic leaders of the church, we bear the responsibility to continue the healing and transformational work that has yet to be fully realized. Together, we commit ourselves in our local contexts to strive daily, transforming the culture of our church into a more just, safe, caring and prophetic place for all. We are grateful for the substantial and insightful memorial offered at General Convention, 2018 by Gathering the Next Generation, 2016. We seek to shift our institutional life from one which benefits a few at the expense of others, and more determinedly live our baptismal vows following the way of Jesus.

Leading with greater awareness of God’s dream, deeper courage and integrity, we plan to engage our diocesan cultures and structures in the following ways:

Recognize and respect the official as well as unofficial power given to us by our office, exercising it with humble care and in loving service with all God’s people;

Participate in regular self-examination and seek amendment of life in our personal and systemic use of authorized, relational and positional power;

Increase our awareness of, listen to, and take to heart the stories that reflect the biases deeply embedded in our structure;

Create a culture of empowerment, giving space for leadership based on equity, not tokenism;

Make room for varying cultural and gender-based leadership practices, nurturing an ethos of cooperation and collaboration, exploring and supporting a broad range of leadership models;

Eliminate pay and benefit inequities among all persons;

Create and enforce equitable parental leave policies;

Utilize formational opportunities for congregational search committees to examine bias and make responsible choices regarding their selection and call of clergy into ministry with them.



Tuesday, July 17, 2018

Statement by Bishop Adams Underscores Bob Malm’s Hypocrisy

The Episcopal Church in South Carolina recently made an interesting statement apropos the Lawrencian dissidents. The statement underscores the fact that there is absolutely nothing Christian in Bob Malm’s current smear campaign and effort to avoid accountability by falsely claiming that he’s been threatened.

Here’s what loyalist bishop Skip Adams said:
The break in fellowship within The Episcopal Church that occurred in 2012 must certainly grieve the heart of God. Ever since the break, reconciliation has been our constant prayer. We of The Episcopal Church want to be able to explore every possibility for making reconciliation a reality. 
We have no desire for any member of a congregation to leave his or her church building. Our aim is restoration and unity. We want to work together in mutual respect for the benefit of all, so that we can continue to be about the Good News of Jesus.
That contrasts sharply with Bob’s false police reports and his efforts to force a dying woman, my mother, to testify on his behalf. You’d think that, having lost his own mother (sorry Bob, not a proper noun. It’s lower-case.) only a little over three years ago, he’d have some respect for the dying.

My opinion: Bob Malm is a priest in name only. And like Jesus’ description of the Scribes and Pharisees, Grace is pretty on the outside. But inside it’s rotten and full of decay—like Bob M<alm’s conduct.