Showing posts with label Grace Episcopal Alexandria the Clergy Perjury Parish. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grace Episcopal Alexandria the Clergy Perjury Parish. Show all posts

Friday, July 17, 2020

Splitting: Key to Understanding Grace Episcopal, the Clergy Perjury Parish

Grace Episcopal Alexandria

I recently read Chuck DeGroat’s excellent book, “When Narcissism Comes to Church.” A worthy read, it will help even the casual person-in-the-pew understand the toxic paradigm that is Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish. (Candidates for rector: Read this post. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.)

As Chuck says in his book, one of the keys to spotting church narcissism is recognizing the larger psychological construct known as splitting. This does not involve King Solomon’s baby, but rather is the situation in which people — and organizations — compartmentalize and fail to integrate contradictory aspects of their behavior.

For example, someone who engages in splitting may be kind and friendly one minute, yet belligerent and hostile moments later if you express a view different from his. Yet he likely views himself as just kind and friendly, conveniently omitting any reference to his hostile behavior.

Similarly, an organization that engages in splitting may consider itself friendly, inclusive and welcoming, yet engage in relational aggression if, for example, someone orders the wrong flowers for a particular Sunday. Or changes the locks on a door. Or criticizes the rector.

And so it is with Grace Church, the clergy perjury parish. Folks observe bullying by the rector, the altar guild, and the choir, yet fail to integrate these behaviors with the notion that Grace Church, the clergy perjury parish, is friendly, welcoming, and inclusive. In the case of the rector, folks either deny Bob’s perjury and other misconduct, or simply refuse to deal with it. “Well, he’s a friendly guy, and he married us,” is a familiar refrain. Similarly, Jean Reed and others can babble on about being “servants of Christ,” while turning a blind eye to profoundly un-Christian behavior in the parish. In short, splitting is not only endemic at Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish. It’s the key to understanding the whole toxic crock of goo.

So how might you spot organizational narcissism at Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish? It’s actually easy to see, with the advantage of some distance. Appearing in myriad contexts, it ranges from comments like, “We do everything big,” (referring to the choir loft project), to the whole concept of Grace being the only full-time Anglo-Catholic parish in the diocese, to the fawning over the building. (Of course, even there, one can see splitting. People fawn over the building, while severely under-funding maintenance and repair.) And it is splitting that allows the empty triumphalism you see at Grace, including perjuring priest Bob Malm saying (with no trace of irony), “At Grace, we practice true religion.”

Even when perjuring priest Bob Malm was interviewing for the position of rector, there were signs of organizational narcissism. For example, upon touring the building, Bob allegedly said, “This. This is a sacred place.”

Nice concept, but any place where bullying is okay, clergy engage in perjury with the blessing of the bishop, and try to drag the dying into court in violation of state law is anything but holy, no matter how many Sunday services it holds. In other words, we are seeing splitting, and its equally evil twin, denial.

Perjuring priest Bob Malm’s purported comment also underscores narcissism in action. Narcissists invariably seek praise and adoration, and they obtain it via their behavior and conduct. Thus, Bob may praise your church building, tell you that you’re a great vestry member, hug you, or tell you how much he appreciates your help. But none of these mean anything, and perjuring priest Bob Malm is very willing to turn right around and throw you, your church, and everything you have done for him under the bus.

Consider: If perjuring priest Bob Malm really is a holy person, and really thinks Grace Church, the clergy perjury parish, is a holy place, why the tear-down of the rectory? Why the month away every summer? Why the indifference to the church’s temporal affairs? Surely a holy person would want his purportedly beloved holy place/employer to be well cared-for. In normal thinking, that would be the case, but drop narcissism and splitting into the mix, and perjuring priest Bob Malm can tell people with no sense of irony that he is a great supervisor, even while  objective criteria suggest a different conclusion. Yes, I have heard him say that.

Similarly, an narcissistic organization like Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, is friendly. People are outgoing. To use Leslie Steffensen’s phrase, the church welcomes you with open arms. But because it engages in splitting, it doesn’t have an issue with Bob Malm forcing Mike out of the denomination he joined 16 months earlier. Or Kirk Steffensent threatening Mike’s job. Or the altar guild engaging in bullying/mobbing. Or John Cunningham leaving due to his perceptions of bullying and bad behavior in the church. Myriad additional examples exist.

Relatedly, perjuring priest Bob Malm had an amazing ability to identify others who could engage in narcissistic splitting. For example, Sugarland Chiow was quick to challenge what he said was my impugning his integrity. Yet one has only to read his ugly, inflammatory pleadings, his invention of fictional places and events, or his willingness to violate state law in order to try to depose a dying woman to conclude that one does not need to impugn Sugarland’s ethics — his conduct speaks for itself.  Yet Jeff claims to be a Christian, and evinces no understanding of why his conduct might make others question his ethics.

Of course, Kelly Gable’s conduct is similar. She does not consider it laughably ironic to claim that someone who helped her out with a job is an embezzler, based on her purported first-hand experience, all the while claiming that she has “forgiven” him.

There’s even splitting evident in Sugarland’s attempted solution to the problem, which was trying to use perjuring priest Bob Malm’s facially obvious fabrications claiming I threatened him to shut down criticism. Nice try, Sugarland, but the real problem is much closer to home. The problem is conduct within the parish, and while you might want to try to suppress voices that call out this misconduct, you’ll never succeed. Even if you had, you would have only managed to push these issues underground, versus fixing them. Nor would you have ended misconduct within the parish, for true to form, perjuring priest Bob Malm would have simply reverted to his usual behind-the-scenes manipulation, lying, and smear campaigns.

In fact, Sugarland Chiow, perjuring priest Bob Malm, and Kelly Motormouth Gable have done an admirable job of damaging Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish. So much so that it is not clear to me that the church will survive their collective misconduct. Congrats folks—you’ve gone above and beyond in your efforts to close a church that predates the civil war, and absent professional intervention, the damage that you done will continue for years to come. But thanks to the wonders of narcissistic splitting, you don’t see any issue with your conduct.

Grace Episcopal Alexandria


But the consummate example of splitting is the young parishioner who posted on Fairfax Undergorund, urging me to commit suicide. Why? Because she wanted to come to the defense of her mother, who had posted what she thought was details of my giving to the parish online. (True to form, she got the details wrong.) And she wanted to come to the defense of her church, Grace Episcopal the clergy perjury parish.

True to form, she does not see any inconsistency between her professed faith and her conduct.

In closing, in his book, Chuck DeGroat notes that narcissistic organizations often continue their narcissistic, toxic conduct after a narcissistic leader leaves, although they may languish. Such clearly is the case with Grace Episcopal the clergy perjury parish, for it steadfastly refuses to engage in self-examination.

So if you want to understand Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, and the truly ugly state it is in, be sure to read Chuck’s book. It is available on Amazon here.


Thursday, July 16, 2020

A Field Guide to the Lawsuits of Clergy Perjury Parish Grace Episcopal Alexandria

As the various lawsuits now under way against Grace Episcopal the clergy perjury parish and its denizens make their way forward, I thought it would be useful to have list summarizing the various caes. The result is below and will be updated as needed.

A few disclaimers:
  • Several cases are likely to be joined. Thus, the total number of cases may wind up being lower, without any loss of the underlying causes of action.
  • As the cases proceed, it is likely that we will see additional causes of action arise. 
  • At least one additional lawsuit is coming and involves a person connected with the parish. While that individual has a pretty good idea that they are on the “short list,” it is premature to name that individual. Stay tuned for details.
  • I have intentionally omitted the amount of the claims for several reasons. Most importantly, the issue at hand is not about money. It is about doing what’s right, which is something that has proved painfully difficult for the parish, the diocese, and their respective officials. Secondly, with punitive damages in the mix, it is difficult to estimate the amount of any potential recovery. Indeed, recovery could range from nothing at all to millions of dollars. so at this juncture, any estimate is at best a guess.
  • Mom’s estate may yet enter the fray on an independent basis. While Mom assigned most related claims to me prior to her death, discussions with legal counsel for the various parties involved suggest that the estate’s obligation to marshall assets may lead to various lawsuits against the church, diocese, and Bob Malm from that front. At this juncture, it’s simply too early to know.



Monday, July 13, 2020

Wade Mullen Again Hits the Nail on the Head About Grace Episcopal Alexandria, the Clergy Perjury Parish


Grace Episcopal Alexandria

A recent Tweet by Wade Mullen, an ordained minister and expert on church abuse, is spot on when it comes to Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, as well as Susan Goff and the rest of the #fakechristians at the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia. Same goes for Sugarland Chiow and the rest of the hypocrites at the corrupt organization known as Grace Episcopal.

As I have said many times, Bob Malm’s perjury is readily ascertainable. All one has to do is to ask him for any documentation to support his statement, made under oath, in writing, while advised by church legal counsel, and notarized by Jane Rosman, that my Mom or someone purporting to be her repeatedly set up appointments with him and canceled. Simply didn’t happen, and I’d be prepared to bet that fat cat Susan Goff knows it. Yet here we are, dragging through court, as perjuring priest Bob Malm pretends to be a Christian while hanging out at St. Gabriel’s. Meanwhile, Grace Church the clergy perjury parish, continues to cling tenaciously to its support for Bob Malm and Kelly Motormouth Gable and the latter’s defamation per se.

The result, predictably enough, is that Grace Church and the diocese will continue their slide towards existential crisis, for one cannot be an authentic church and turn a blind eye to perjury, defamation per se, Bob Malm’s myriad lies, the bullying by the altar guild and the choir, and all the other BS that comes out of Grace Church.

Meanwhile, Jean Reed, Kemp Williams, and the rest of the gossips at the church will continue to prattle on about how I’m defaming the “servants of Christ” at the church, while lamenting the chaos that they claim I am sowing. But the precipitous decline in the parish comes from their own endorsement of bad behavior; their unwillingness to examine their conduct, individually and collectively; and their failure to recognize a simple notion: The only way to avoid being criticized for hypocrisy is for a church to try to live up to the standards it professes.

In all of this, one thing’s certain: Neither Grace Church, nor perjuring priest Bob Malm, nor Susan Goff and the rest of the fat cats and bloodsucking leaches at the diocese will ever acknowledge that Bob Malm is a perjurer, let alone say thank you to anyone who tells the truth.

They are simply too corrupt to do so, and just like the good Christians of Grace Church, they have nothing but contempt for the truth.

Avoid Grace Church.


Grace Episcopal Alexandria


Saturday, July 11, 2020

Petition Demanding Independent Investigation of Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Passes 17,000 Signatures

Grace Episcopal Alexandria

As the various court cases against perjuring priest Bob Malm, clergy perjury parish Grace Episcopal Alexandria, and the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia lumber through the courts, my petition seeking an independent review of perjuring priest Bob Malm’s actions has now garnered more than 17,000 signatures.

The petition was started after Bishop Susan Goff, the Rev. Melissa Hollerith, and the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia said that they will only address clergy perjury if criminal charges are brought. That’s right—it’s the Wild, Wild West in Virginia, where any sort of conduct is okay for Episcopal clergy as long as they don’t get caught. Child molesters, embezzlers, murderers, all are okay as Episcopal clergy under this standard, as long as the police don’t charge you.

Of course, the fact that Susan Goff and the rest of the Mayo House crowd can say this with a straight face speaks volumes about the current state of The Episcopal Church. Famously inclusive, the denomination welcomes you with open arms. You just need to decide if a church where criminal conduct is okay for clergy is really the church for you.

And while you’re at it, think about whether a church that urges others to commit suicide, sues its members, subpoenas the dying, calls its critics “domestic terrorists,” makes false statements of law and fact in its courtroom pleadings, invents nonexistent places and events when it goes to court, and turns a blind eye to harassment, bullying, and misuse of funds is really a good place for you and your family.

It’s not.

And if you are concerned about social justice and making the world a more fair and just place, now is the time to withhold your support from The Episcopal Church. Any church where it’s okay to go after a dying woman, or to urge others to commit suicide, is not worthy of your support.

Wednesday, July 8, 2020

Great Comment About Perjuring Priest Bob Malm

Over the past 10 hours, I’ve been making the rounds on social media, making sure people know that perjuring priest Bob Malm has said he plans to defend his efforts to drag my mother, then dying of COPD, into court via a subpoena that was illegal under state law. Here is one of comments.

Friday, July 3, 2020

False Faith: Reflections on Kemp Williams’ Article in Grace Notes



Grace Episcopal Alexandria — Kemp Williams

I read with wry amusement the piece by Kemp Williams in this month’s edition of Grace Notes. Indeed, the juxtaposition of Kemp’s comments and those of Michael Guy at the start of this month’s edition makes his comments deliciously ironic, and Kemp has no idea how clueless his comments really are.

In his article, Kemp babbles on about Grace being welcoming, inclusive, and accepting. And you know what? All of those are true. And therein lies the irony.

At the heart of the matter is the issue of what comprises the paradigm into which one is being welcomed. If the environment is loving, then inclusion indeed is a good thing. If the environment is hateful, then inclusion is a bad thing, for it broadens the circle of hate. And when, as at Grace, the environment into which one is welcomed is superficially friendly, but hateful and ugly beneath the surface, then inclusion is not just a bad a thing — it is downright deceptive.

Who and what exactly am I talking about? I am talking about the things already covered in this blog:
  • Clergy who commit perjury. Yes, that would be Bob Malm.
  • Clergy who lie with impunity.
  • The ugly, behind-the-scenes smear campaigns coming from various persons connected with the parish, alleging that I have embezzled money, am mentally ill, have engaged in physical abuse of my husband, fraudulently steered contracts to friends, and more.
  • A church that tries to drag a dying woman into court in violation of the law.
  • A church that makes false statements of law and fact in court.
  • A church that refers to members as “domestic terrorists.”
  • Members, including Kemp Williams and Kelly Gable, who talk about others, versus to others. That’s longhand for “gossiping.”
  • Kelly Gable’s and Bob Malm’s defamation.
  • Members who speculate about the personal lives of others. See above.
  • Single female members who pursue married men in the parish.
  • Members who threaten Mike’s job.
  • Bob Malm forcing Mike out of the church, then lying and claiming that he left on his own in July 2015.
And all too often, members conflate friendly with faithful. One can be friendly, and not be faithful. In fact, some of the most toxic churches are the friendliest, and you can quote me on that.

Michael Guy’s comments are spot on:
One sin always before us is how we treat our brothers and sisters. If we are not loving them as God loves us, then we are sinning. Even though one has a right to have an opposing opinion, it does not give one the right to disrespect that sister or brother. Disrespect is seen in forms of abuse, mentally or physically and sometimes both. This is not love. Before we say, “I am not disrespectful,” to witness this and ignore it is a sin of omission. It remains a sin.
And Grace parishioners ignore Bob Malm’s conduct, that of Sugarland Chiow, and that of the church itself in court, as well as Kelly Gable and others that they elect to the vestry. Yet as Michael Guy reminds us, “To witness this and ignore it is a sin of omission.” (Let’s not forget that this includes Michael Guy and Jason Roberson themselves, as well as bishop Susan Goff and the rest of the Mayo House fatcats.)

Jesus addresses these issues. In Matthew, he says:
You will know them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorns, or figs from thistles? 17 So, every sound tree bears good fruit, but the bad tree bears evil fruit. 18 A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. 19 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. 20 Thus you will know them by their fruits.
And so it is with Grace Church. While Kemp may bloviate about worshipping in the beauty of holiness, neither his worship, nor that of anyone else at Grace Church, means a thing when they ignore outrageous and shocking misconduct in the parish, their own and that of others. And when Kemp and others turn a blind eye to their own behavior, and that of the church itself, happily secure in their circle of friends at the church, they trade faithful for friendly.

Or, as Jesus says, “ 23 So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.”

In other words, one cannot worship in the beauty of holiness when one sins against another. The beauty of holiness has nothing to do with a pretty building with stained glass, incense, and bright shiny things. Worshipping God in the beauty of holiness refers to the beauty of holiness itself, or acting in a holy way. And whether it’s the childish bullying and social aggression in the altar guild, the choir, at the vestry, or even the immaturity of Lisa Medley and others flipping me the middle finger in public, these things are not holiness.

And as Michael Guy notes, the Sugarland Chiows, Jan Spences, Kemp Williams, Kelly Gables, Lisa Medleys, Bob Malms and Alison Campbells of the world need to recognize that when they engage in their childish games, make obscene gestures, or engage in defamation, they’re doing those things to Jesus. The fact that they are current with their pledge, or polished the altar ware on Saturday, or went to Shrine Mont last fall, does not in any way lessen their sin.

So when they wonder why Grace Church is falling apart, or lament the chaos that they claim will come from my blogging about the clergy perjury parish, they would do far better to start by turning a critical eye to their own conduct. Something about the log in thy own eye....

And in closing, I remind the good Christians that I am not the only person who has left the parish over these issues. It’s time to stop lying, making excuses, and ducking responsibility.




Sunday, June 28, 2020

LEGAL UPDATE: Plaintiff’s Opposition to Kelly Gable’s Plea of Statute of Limitations



In response to the Kelly Gable’s Plea of Statute of Limitations, I have prepared the document that follows, which outlines perjuring priest Bob Malm’s efforts to conceal the fact that he lied to Bishop Shannon Johnston when he republished Kelly Gable’s defamatory per se email in which she alleged that I embezzled funds from RPJ Housing. In his email, perjuring priest Bob Malm falsely claimed that my departure from RPJ Housing occured before I came to Grace Church.

At issue is the fact that Virginia law ordinarily imposes a one-year statute of limitations in defamation cases. The courts may toll the statute, however, when as here the tort in question has been intentionally concealed.

Motions court is preliminarily scheduled for July 10, but I will be out of town for the Pennyslvania hearing against perjuring priest Bob Malm. My suggestion to opposing counsel therefore is to schedule motions court hearing for July 24, when I have scheduled the hearing on my Motion to Amend my lawsuit against perjuring priest Bob Malm.

The following is in PDF.

Plaintiff’s Repsonse to Defendant’s Plea of Statute of Limitations

Next Up: Pennsylvania Lawsuit


This week will be a busy one with various minor tasks relating to litigation, including the change of venue in the lawsuit against Kelly Motormouth Gable, and sundry other motions court issues. I’ll also be preparing for the hearing in the Pennsylvania case, in which perjuring priest Bob Malm is being sued for the legal fees associated with his ultra vires subpoena of my mother, who was then terminally ill.

At the heart of the matter is Pennsylvania law, which forbids subpoenas in protective order cases absent prior leave of court. True to form, perjuring priest Bob Malm didn’t bother to seek leave of court, and so wasted a lot of time and money for all involved when he tried to drag Mom into court.

The great irony in all of this is, had he managed to pull off his little stunt, Bob would have either had to try to get a court to impose sanctions on a dying woman or face the prospect of Mom, propped up in a wheelchair and medicated with morphine, being wheeled into the courthouse. All of which is to say that he probably should be glad he didn’t get his wish — he would have looked like a bigger jackass than is already the case.

But hey — Bob Malm and denizens of Planet Malm love Jesus.

Yeah, right.

Sunday, June 21, 2020

A Shout-Out to Prospective Candidates for Rector: Read this Before You Apply!



If you’re reading this, there’s a possibility you’re a prospective candidate for the position of rector at Grace Episcopal Church. And why not? It’s a friendly place, with passionate members, good ASA, a large budget (at least by Episcopal standards!), a gorgeous building, and proximity to the amenities of the greater Washington DC area. Not to mention Del Ray is a very cool place to live and to raise children.

But before you take the plunge, do your research. Not just the sort of research you’d do for any transition, but really dig deep. Northern Virginia is a pricy area, with lots of traffic congestion, and making the change is a big step. And it’s important to understand why, if you accept an offer, you’re inheriting a church that as of this writing has not one but six separate lawsuits against it and current/former members.

Even more important, though, is to recognize that not all that glitters is gold. On its surface, Grace Church is a wonderful place, but peel back the skin and you’ll discover an onion. And just as an onion, properly prepared, can be sweet and savory, conversely a raw onion be harsh, sharp, and bring you to tears.

And so it is with Grace, where there is a long and dismal record when it comes to conflict and community, including:
  1. Ignoring conflict, and hoping it will go away.
  2. Suppressing conflict, resulting in periodic eruptions of toxic behavior.
  3. Unwillingness on the part of the rector and others to listen and respond to valid concerns.
  4. A lack of Christian ethics in addressing conflict.
  5. Toxic family systems, in which “friendly” replaces “faithful.”
This situation is compounded by several factors:
  1. Unhealthy clericalism, in which members were deliberately encouraged to focus their time and attention on the rector (yes, that would be perjuring priest Bob Malm).
  2. An inappropriate role model on Bob Malm’s part, replete with lying, manipulation, and what Peter Barnes rightly termed “Bob Malm’s games.”
  3. An impotent diocese that, to this day, is utterly unwilling and incapable of responding to these concerns, does not understand the importance of dealing with these issues, nor the importance of its being involved.
  4. A transition process that has done next to nothing to address these issues.
  5. A tradition of rectors staying entirely too long, with the result that some, like Bob Malm, seemingly came to believe that the parish belonged to them, and they could make decisions by executive fiat.
  6. An unhealthy relationship between the rector and the vestry, including Bob Malm inappropriately tampering with the vestry’s selection of its executive committee. (As I have said many times, an up-or-down vote of an executive committee selected by Bob Malm in advance of the annual meeting is highly inappropriate. In American politics, it’s called election tampering and it is illegal.)
Before we go further, let’s take a look at biblical discussions of conflict. One of the most famous is set forth in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5:23-24), in which Jesus says:

So if you are offering your gift at the altar, and there remember that your [sibling] has something against you, 24 leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your [sibling], and then come and offer your gift.

In other words, be open about conflict and work quickly towards resolution. 

That contrasts sharply with Bob Malm, who repeatedly lied about issues and refused to discuss them during his tenure as rector. In fact, on more than one occasion, he responded to emailed concerns of mine by replying, “This is the last email you will receive responding to criticisms of me or Grace Church.” 

So much for the Sermon on the Mount.

Other times, Bob was more indirect, trying to charm bomb his way out of things, or to shout others down in what appeared to be the classic narcissistic rage. For an example, just ask folks about Bob’s screaming fit at Lee Meeks over his concerns about governance issues for the Shrine Mont event. Neither helpful nor Christian, and a really bad example for which Bob never apologized or took responsibility. Nor was that Bob’s only screaming fit—he had a number of his little temper tantrums over the years, including during the 1994 building campaign. 

Of course, after 30 years of Bob Malm, folks learned to emulate him. That’s a given, for over time, church family systems often adopt many of the characteristics of this rector, both for good and ill. You can see evidence of this in Kelly Gable’s defamatory email, which perjuring priest Bob Malm forwarded to Bishop Shannon, and which has since been republished. And the fact that the diocese thought this was something acceptable to send to Bob Malm’s attorney speaks volumes about both the ethics of the diocese, and its profound lack of common sense. If nothing else, anyone with half the common sense God gave a goat would have asked the question, “Are we sure this is true?”

If you’re a candidate for rector, you will also learn a lot by asking questions specific to my conflict with Bob Malm.
  1. “I see a lot of stuff from this Eric Bonetti character. Leaving aside assertions from within the church that he is mentally ill and a ‘domestic terrorist,’ what steps did the church take to resolve this matter directly with him?”
  2. “What was the vestry’s role in this conflict?”
  3. “Who made the decision to subpoena his mother? How is this consistent with your Christian witness?”
  4. “Why did you refer to him as a ‘domestic terrorist’ in your pleadings? Were you concerned about how this would reflect on the church? Do you feel this was helpful?”
  5. “If you really believe he’s mentally ill, what steps did you take to help him?”
And be sure to ask why the diocese didn’t honor my initial request to mediate the dispute. 

Yes, this is a lot to ask a search committee, and these questions aren’t in keeping with The Episcopal Church’s long tradition of ignoring conflict. But getting full, honest answers to these questions from multiple sources will give you a good idea of the dynamics at play, both in my conflict and within the parish as a whole. (Just look carefully at the answers you get. Just like perjuring priest Bob Malm, folks at Grace and at Mayo House are good at dissembly, obfuscation,  blame-shifting, and blurring.)

Another worthwhile point of discussion would be to ask about the specifics of how perjuring priest Bob Malm got the parish to agree to help him buy a private residence. The move resulted is a loss to the parish of well over $1 million (see my post specifically about that topic). Nor were vestry members eager to go down this road; instead Bob bullied, cajoled, and weaseled his way to success, to the lasting detriment of the parish. In that context, it’s important to know that Bob allegedly remained in the room during the vestry vote on the subject; more than one vestry member said s/he voted for the deal because they were afraid Bob would force them out of the parish if they didn’t. 

Yes, imagine that — perjuring priest Bob Malm forcing someone out of the body of Christ. And for the record, it’s not like Bob Malm busted his butt in return for his generous compensation package. In fact, he could scarcely be convinced to supervise parish staff, although he sure found plenty of time for the beach, running marathons, playing golf, and his trips “out of town.”

It’s also worth noting that members of the church have no concept of boundaries when it comes to their own behavior. Whether it’s Kelly Motormouth Gable’s defamation per se, Bob Malm’s perjury, or a certain recent college graduate urging me to commit suicide, this is a profoundly troubled parish—so much so that it actually thinks these behaviors are okay.

I’d also point out that longstanding problems of this sort are notoriously difficult to repair, both due to their longevity and because doing so requires parishioners to rethink their worldview. As the Rev. Robin Hammeal-Urban notes, “If it can’t be conceived it can’t be perceived.” In short, very few at Grace Church are prepared to accept the fact that Bob Malm is a perjuring, manipulative scumbag, let alone prepared to deal with these issues. And you’ll wind up beating your head against the wall to convince people to approach these issues with an open mind, especially since the diocese and vestry are not prepared to tackle them head on via an outside, independent professional. 

On a related note, I encourage you to ask both of the diocese and the search committee about what steps have been taken to fix things. The answer, you’ll discover, is damned little, because the diocese likes to take the approach of, “Just hang in there until we can get someone in there.” Nor are the fat cats at Mayo House above telling a parish facing a clergy transition coming on the heels of alleged clergy misconduct (with no hint of irony), “Well, you’re damaged merchandise.”  In fact, you might even follow-up with the question, “What have you learned from all the recent conflict at the church?” The answer will be either, “Nothing,” or deflection and a bunch of the usual Jesus-babble, “Well, we pray for Mr. Bonetti regularly.” Uh-huh, right. 

Know too that this laissez-faire approach to governance at the diocese comes from the very top, and seemingly encouraged by diocesan chancellor J.P. Causey. While even the CANA dissidents agree that J.P. is a good guy, he focuses on protecting the organization first, and doesn’t give a red rat’s rear end about church canons, or the lasting damage that occurs to the church and its members, when the diocese plays the sleeping beauty game and refuses to acknowlege or deal with conflict. And this has led to the meltdown with the trustees of the funds and other rampant conflict in the diocese. (If you’re new to the diocese, ask about that little brouhaha. It’s ugly.)

As the old saying goes, “conflict ignored is conflict multiplied,” and Bob Malm spent 30 years ignoring conflict. As a result, unhealthy conflict grew exponentially over that time, and now simmers right behind the church’s friendly facade, ready to boil over due to some silly perceived transgression, like ordering the wrong flowers for the altar guild. In short, toxic behavior has become normative.

In short, if you go to Grace Church, be prepared for a very, very rough go of it. Don’t say I didn’t warn you. And remember: If you are going to succeed, the diocese and the vestry need to get the ball rolling to clean up the mess at Grace Church, and you need buy-in at every level of the church.

Thursday, June 18, 2020

Petition Seeking Independent Investigation of Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Passes 14,000 Signatures

The petition seeking a full, fair, and independent diocesan church review of perjuring priest Bob Malm’s misconduct, including his perjury and his defamatory per se statement that I embezzled funds from a previous employer, has now garnered more than 14,000 signatures. The petition also asks the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia to take meaningful action based on the results of the investigation.

So far, the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia has steadfastly refused, despite undeniable evidence that Bob Malm committed perjury. Indeed, the church has said in writing that such conduct is “not of weighty and material importance to the ministry of the church.”

Good to know if you are considering becoming involved in the toxic crock of goo that is the Episcopal Church, the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, and Grace Episcopal Alexandria. Or, for that matter, St. Gabriel’s in Marion Massachusetts and the equally feckless Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts.




Wednesday, June 10, 2020

Punitive Damages Could Prove an Existential Threat to Grace Church


With perjuring priest Bob Malm now facing potential punitive damages claims against him and by implication the parish itself, the vestry and individual church members should understand that such damages could threaten the very existence of the church and school. Additionally, they could result in personal liability for vestry members and church members alike.

What are punitive damages? Simply put, they are not compensatory, but rather intended to punish bad behavior. An example would be attempting to use a protective order as a strategic lawsuit against public participation (SLAPP) and committing perjury in the context of the proceeedings. Yes, that would be perjuring priest Bob Malm.

Under Virginia law, punitives are capped at $350,000 per claim. But with multiple incidents of outrageous misconduct on the part of the church, there could be multiple such claims.

In order for an employer like the church to be liable under the legal doctrine of respondent superior, the action complained of must be within the scope of the employee or board member’s official duties. That, of course, begs the issue of whether perjuring priest Bob Malm was acting within the scope of their authority.

At this point, things get tricky for an insurer, because to defend the claims against perjuring priest Bob Malm makes it difficult to claim that he was not acting within the scope of his authority. On the other hand, it likely will prove costly for perjuring priest Bob Malm to defend his conduct in court.

Moreover, there is the issue of ratification, or endorsement. While defense counsel may claim that Bob was acting on his own, the evidence is clear that diocesan officials supported and endorsed his actions, as did the vestry. Indeed, Amy Middle Finger Medrick sent around talking points on church email to the vestry to assist vestry members — and Grace school officials — discuss the matter. Meanwhile, diocesan officials even provided legal counsel to perjuring priest Bob Malm in conjunction with this matter, and sent out a letter saying that they fully support Malm.

Two further challenges confront Grace Church:
  1. Most insurance policies don’t cover punitive damages. Thus, if the church is found liable for either defendant’s actions, it could be on the hook for hundreds of thousands of dollars.
  2. The church is not incorporated, meaning that individual church members could be on the hook for the church’s liability.
Thus, church members and prospective church members may want to consider the potential for personal liability due to the parish’s support for Bob’s outrageous conduct.

To be sure, my motive in bringing suit has little to do with money, Indeed, at one point I offered in writing to settle the dispute in exchange for nothing more than perjuring priest Bob Malm’s written agreeement to leave me alone. Through Jeff Sugarland Chiow, Bob refused the offer, and I believe the evidence will show that he had one or more fulsome discussions with Bishop Shannon Johnston about the matter, as well as intake officer Caroline Parkinson. Of course, had any of the above had half the common sense God gave a goat — or half the Christian values of a goat — they would have accepted my offer. But as it stands they now live with the consequences of Bob’s decisions.

In short, with a severe recession under way, a resurgence of the pandemic, declining giving, and a reputation marred by perjuring priest Bob Malm’s mean and stupid conduct, Grace Church’s long-term prospects are, at best, unclear. 

Perhaps when the dust settles folks at Mayo House, and within the parish, will take the time to carefully contemplate their conduct and whether an outsider, looking at their behavior, would see anything remotely Christian about it.

I can tell you this: No one external to the church who is familiar with dynamics within the parish is impressed in a positive way with the church.

Friday, June 5, 2020

BREAKING NEWS: Kelly Gable Sued for Defamation Per Se



Yesterday evening I contacted Grace parishioner and world champion motormouth Kelly Gable, offering her the opportunity to either document her claim that I embezzled funds from a previous employer or to retract her claims in writing. I further informed her that if I did not hear from her by noon today I would file suit for defamation per se and seek punitive damages.

Having not heard from Kelly as requested, I filed the attached lawsuit against her earlier today.

Defamation per se is a defamatory statement that, inter alia, accuses another individual of engaging in criminal conduct. In such cases, damages are presumed and need not be proven.

There’s also the issue of the statute of limitations. While Virginia law provides for a two-year statute of limitations from the date of defamation, and no discovery rule to toll the statute of limitations in cases alleging defamation, it is clear that republication has recently occurred, most likely from the diocese to other third parties. In such cases, I submit that a tortfeasor like Kelly should not be permitted to escape liability when, as here, the original publication was defamatory per se and the republication could reasonably be expected.

It’s also interesting—perjuring priest Bob Malm republished these statements without privilege and thus also may be liable, depending on how recently he republished them.



Sunday, May 24, 2020

See for Yourself: Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Served Additional Request for Admission

Earlier today, I served an additional Request for Admission to perjuring priest Bob Malm. This brings the total to 35.

In this one, I look at that reasons behind my concerns about church governance, which include allegations that Bob lied repeatedly to vestry members. Needless to say, this does not lead to a whole lot of confidence in Bob’s overall leadership.

More on the various legal actions against perjuring priest Bob Malm, Grace Episcopal Church and perjuring priest Bob Malm’s family in the coming days.






Monday, May 18, 2020

Grace Church and Perjuring Priest Bob Malm: Believe Them. They’ve Shown You Who They Are.


This is a church where it’s okay for the rector to commit perjury, where parishioners bully each other, urge others to commit suicide, flip others off, call bloggers “domestic terrorists,” and try to drag the dying into court. It’s a place where the rector calls his own parishioners “sick,” “twisted,” and “dysfunctional.”

So why are you expecting something different from this sad, dysfunctional, toxic church? Or this sad, dysfunctional, toxic diocese, where the ethical standard is so low that priests are only held accountable if they face criminal charges?

They have already shown you their true colors.

Believe them the first time.

Wednesday, May 6, 2020

Theft: Another Reason to Steer Clear of Grace Episcopal Alexandria


As if there weren’t plenty of other reasons to avoid Grace Episcopal in Alexandria, there’s one specific matter that gives cause for concern and that is theft within the church. While not an every day thing, there are enough issues to warrant asking the question, “What does this tell me about the parish?”

Several years ago, Bob Malm discovered that a young parishioner with access to his sister’s keys had entered locked rooms within the school and stolen a number of laptops. Nothing really came of the matter, except that the laptops were locked in a closet keyed differently than other doors in the building. No felony charges, no being told to find a new church—the latter only happened under perjuring priest Bob Malm for the crime of lèse-majesté, or giving offense to His Malmness. Yup, offend Bob, and you will get voted off Planet Malm. And don’t think we’re talking about a vote of the vestry or something similar — we’re talking imperial fiat involving only Bob Malm.

Nor is that the only time theft has occurred at the church.

As a confirmed foodie, on several occasions I donated high-end kitchen linens, cookware, and food items for use in the second- and third-floor kitchens, only to discover that the items disappeared in short order, never to return. 

None of the items cost thousands of dollars, so it’s not like I lost sleep over these thefts. But stealing is stealing, and the fact that this sort of thing happened multiple times in the parish is disconcerting and disappointing.

In short, this conduct speaks volumes to the real values and mores of the parish. What it says is not good.

Monday, April 20, 2020

Grace Church Posts Parish Administrator Job Description




Before we go further, let me say this upfront: As someone who is perhaps the most vociferous critic of Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, particularly during the final years of perjuring priest Bob Malm’s reign, I like much what I see coming out of the parish. That will come as a surprise to many, but fair is fair.

In that vein, the church recently posted the parish administrator job position  and it contains promising signs. Among these is the fact that the job description (JD) emphasizes equally the “soft skills” of integrity, dependability, and interpersonal skills, versus the technical skills required for the position.

Seemingly gone are the days when church staff could, with Bob Malm’s tacit and express support, yell at church members, curse them, lie about them, and more. Of course, none of that behavior should come as a surprise at a church where the diocese, bishops, vestry, and parish membership supported perjuring priest Bob Malm and his toxic behavior.

In recent years, things got a little better, but Amy “Middle Finger” Medrick certainly was no slice of paradise. Whether it was her falsely opining on what constitutes active church membership in contravention of church canons, her involvement in Bob Malm’s bullying, or flipping off protestors, Amy was a prime example of all that is wrong with Grace Church. That said, she did clean up the office and finally put in place a useful church management application. That stands in marked contrast with the Charlie Foxtrot that was the system used by Beth Wiggers and Charlotte Payne Wright. And Amy did manage to avoid some of the extremes of behavior that led to the current meltdown.

It’s also true that the church still has not wrapped its arms around facilities management. In light of Amy’s experience in affordable housing, she certainly was more than capable of doing better in this area. Yet despite the replacement of the HVAC systems, the church is reverting to type when it comes to preventive maintenance, which is to ignore emerging issues in favor of deferred — and inherently more costly — maintenance.

It’s also worth noting that the parish’s decision-making processes likely remain flawed. For example, the decision to run the HVAC system after the rupture of the underground line between the church and Merrow Hall was a debacle — yet one that few if any in the church recognize. Specifically, despite express warnings to the contrary, the church ran the system without flushing the lines, resulting in the accelerated failure of several air handlers and other pieces of equipment. Had the church been more prudent, it probably could have managed a couple more years with the incumbent system. 

That underscores a key point, which is that despite years of warnings, the church still has no replacement reserve study, and thus no meaningful plan to address capital expenditures, or capex. As a result, the church remains awash in an endless sea of reactive responses to its facilities issues. Nor have the half-measure steps taken by the property committee, which include identifying and estimating upcoming expenses, made any difference, for the church saves nothing from its operating budget for future capex. That’s really stupid, as it is virtually a given that the place will be much smaller in 10 years. Yet even as recently as 2014 the church was handing out $100K bonuses to perjuring priest Bob Malm — with the Princess Porcine, aka Lisa Medley, urging the vestry to give Bob $200K! (My guess is that the Princess Porcine doesn’t understand the concept of “private inurement. But then, she’s not the sharpest tool in the shed.)

On a positive note, the JD’s inclusion of social media is promising. Over the years, numerous folks have offered to help the church in this area, including my buddy Dee Parsons, who is known around the world for her work on abusive churches, including coverage of Grace Church and perjuring priest Bob Malm. True to form, Bob Malm ignored Dee’s offer, which is a shame. It’s a shame because folks at Grace don’t realize that announcements online are counterproductive —as in “the most recent sermon is available here.” If that’s your idea of social media, please do all involved a favor and stay off social media. Indeed, to the extent that parishioners like Leslie “Hambeast” Malm and Lisa “Princess Porcine” Medley — and their family members — have tried to wade into that space, the results have been nothing short of disastrous for the church. Yet many in the church have been too clueless to see this.

Ironically, while he is clueless as to social media and technology issues, perjuring priest Bob Malm, with his attention to superficial impressions, most clearly understood the problems the church has faced online. The church’s reputation is profoundly damaged, as is that of the diocese and the Episcopal Church, and that damage is getting worse over time. 

Of course, Bob’s efforts to perjure his way to victory on this front simply made things hundreds of times worse for the church. And the efforts to defend its conduct in court simply tell the world at large that Grace remains mired in its own ethical filth.

At least in the JD folks didn’t pull a Jason Roberson and claim that the place is “growing and flourishing.” It is neither, and to claim otherwise, to put it generously, is misleading. Indeed, at a time when the area population has grown by more than 13 percent over the past ten years Grace is barely managing to hold on. And from 2015 to 2018 alone, the parish lost almost exactly $100,000 of purchasing power. If that is Jason’s idea of growth, I’d like to see what he believes decline looks like.

And turning this situation around is going to require a willingness to take a fresh look at every aspect of the church, including how people interact with each other.

Wednesday, April 1, 2020

As Petition Passes 7,000 Signatures, Episcopal Diocese of Virgina Still Refuses to Address Bob Malm’s Perjury

You have to hand it to The Episcopal Church. It’s not just set in its ways. It’s bound and determined to ruin itself.

Now, with more than 7,000 signatures, my petition asking Bishop Susan Goff and The Episcopal Diocese of Virginia to conduct a full, fair, open and independent investigation of Bob Malm’s perjury is still being ignored. That’s right—a denomination that experts say is now less than 20 years away from collapse is hellbent on avoiding dealing with a priest who commits perjury and tries to drag the dying into court,

Petition About Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Passes 7000 Signatures


And it’s not just the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia and Bishop Susan Goff who are morally bankrupt.

Perjuring priest Bob Malm continues to serve as interim rector of St. Gabriel’s, Marion Massachusetts. There, in response to the COVID-19 pandemic, he assures parishioners that they are in his “daily prayers.” That’s far from comforting, coming from a perjurer and priest of whom someone close to him as said, “it’s just a job for him.”

Meanwhile, The Episcopal Church’s insurance carrier continues to attempt to defend the actions of the diocese and parish in court, with attorney Diane DiBlasio working on setting a motions court date in June in our case. Proof positive that The Episcopal Church is as stubborn as it is stupid.

And let’s not forget: The Episcopal Church and much of its clergy is morally bankrupt,

Wednesday, November 20, 2019

Grace Episcopal Lawsuit: Update

Updated information on the Grace Episcopal Alexandria lawsuit


As I’m working on the lengthy process of analyzing and organizing the information needed for my bill of particulars — a court document that lays out the plaintiff’s specific allegations in a lawsuit — there’s also a minor change in scheduling. Specifically, attorneys for the diocese, Susan Goff and the parish are not available on the initially selected date for the hearing on my motion to compel. So I’m looking to see if there is a date that will work for them.

Meanwhile, the defendants have declined at this time to stipulate that neither the diocese nor other defendants have documentation to support Bob Malm’s claim that my mother contacted him repeatedly. That said, it’s a given that they don’t, as Bob Malm lied under oath on this topic, which he cited as one of the foundational reasons for his assertion that I threatened him.

I’d also add one observation about defense counsel, which is that the attorneys involved are infinitely more professional than Sugarland Chiow with his ad hominem attacks, repeated false statements of law and fact to the courts, and his inflammatory rhetoric. In short, while we sit on opposite sides of this issue, it is good to see that some measure of civility, professionalism, and decorum remains in the practice of law, especially since licensed attorneys are officers of the court. Moreover, Chiow’s conduct only further erodes the parish’s reputation, as does the diocese’s statement that it supports Bob Malm and, by extension, his conduct. 

Lastly, I’ve let defense counsel know that I intend to subpoena Dee Parsons, editor of The Wartburg Watch, when we go to trial. Dee already knows and is fully supportive,

So, nothing too exciting yet. I will continue to provide updates as we move forward.




Saturday, November 16, 2019

This Christmas, Remember the Meaning of Christmas

This Christmas, remember the true meaning of the holiday: Compassion, kindness, love.

Boycott Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, where clergy lie under oath with impunity and it’s okay to drag the dying into court.