Showing posts with label Grace Episcopal Alexandria. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Grace Episcopal Alexandria. Show all posts

Friday, January 25, 2030

Bob Malm: Club Protest Membership Countdown


By virtue of trying to shutdown criticism by going to court with his facially false claims that he had been threatened, pseudo-priest Bob Malm and Grace Episcopal signed up for the two-year membership at Club Protest. No refunds, late payments result in an extension of membership. And his decision to include Mike in his vendetta, his multiple lies in court, and his efforts to subpoena a dying woman, all mean Bob gets the special VIP add-on package — my online presence will continue ad infinitum. That’s right, Dysfunctional Bob gets the lifetime virtual membership. Hey, Bob always did think he was special. Well, he’s right.

So, this countdown timer doesn’t mark the countdown to an end to open hostilities. But it does mark the payout of Dysfunctional Bob’s basic Club Protest membership.That said, I have always believed in under-promise, over-deliver, so I will no doubt extend Bob’s basic membership well beyond his original contract. And Grace Episcopal gets in on the action, for free.

By the way, if you see that the counter has passed zero and is counting up, that means that perjuring priest Bob Malm and the parish are enjoying their special free bonus time.

Hey, if he behaves, maybe we can even spot Bob some core body fitness tips. Heaven knows he’s been looking rather well-fed in recent years. And it fits — Grace Church aka St. Dysfunction is looking a whole lot leaner and meaner these days.

See you at Dysfunction Junction aka Malm Square(d)!

Friday, March 13, 2020

True to Form, St. Dysfunction Screws Up Its Response to COVID-19

It should come as no surprise, but true to form, Grace Episcopal has bollixed its response to Bishop Goff’s announcement regarding the suspension of church services.

Specifically, in its announcement, the church states that all Sunday worship services at all parishes in the diocese are suspended. As other churches in the area were quick to point out, that is absolutely and categorically untrue.

Here is the church’s announcement:


What the diocese HAS said is that all gatherings for public worship are suspended. That is a huge difference. Indeed, Bishop Goff is quick to point out that God will be worshipped and praised, and is encouraging parishes to offer online services. That is in keeping with what I and other have been pointing our for many years, which is that churches that wish to engage with young people must find young people where they are. That means offering interactive alternatives. Not half-baked alternatives, but joyful, engaging interaction in cyberspace.

This is confirmed in Bishop Goff’s statement, reflected below.




So rather than the usual chaos and misinformation, I believe parish leaders should get their backsides in gear, recognize that there are ways to hold services without physically meeting, borrow a tripod stand and an iPod, and get busy going about the business of the church.

For the record, church services are NOT cancelled across the diocese. Only parishes that cannot get their act together to stream a service will not be worshipping this Sunday. And given the times in which we live, churches and other organizations that survive will be those that move swiftly and respond to the changing times. 

So far, Grace Church does not appear to be one of the churches that will survive.

PS Given the demographics of the church, it is stupid to continue with small group meetings. Feel free to quote me. And if you really want to worship God, service at the food pantry or homeless shelter is a good way to start.

Wednesday, March 11, 2020

What Would Have Happened if Perjuring Priest Bob Malm and Sugarland Chiow Had Gotten Me to Sign an NDA?

With Grace’s transition from 30 years of perjuring priest Bob Malm now entering its sixth month, it seems that very little progress has been made. Yes, a well-qualified group has been chosen for the search committee. Yes, the search committee is going through all the right steps. But they are not meeting the congregation’s needs.

Specifically, one of the requirements of a successful transition is coming to terms with the church’s past. By definition, that would include Bob Malm’s perjury, his lies to the congregation, his efforts to drag a dying woman into court, and more. Yet the parish’s response is typical: It’s trying to defend the case in court, which only erodes confidence in the church, further alienates members and former members, and diverts much-needed funds from — you guessed it — healing and outreach.



Part and parcel of this is Sugarland Chiow’s spectacularly stupid role in this debacle, as well as that of the ever clueless Diocese of Virginia. This included efforts by Sugarland to get me to sign a non-disclosure agreement, or NDA, in exchange for dropping Bob’s fraudulent protective order obtained via perjury and false statements. The fact that Sugarland even tried to go this route reveals he has scant understanding of Christianity, conflict transformation, or even the simple matter of that makes me tick.

So what would have happened had I signed that NDA?

The answer is the church would have wound up with its problems shoved under the rug and papered over with Sugarland Chiow’s badly written pablum about moving forward in peace and love. The problem, of course, is that nothing about Sugarland’s conduct, Bob Malm’s conduct, the vestry’s conduct, or that of various key church members in any way involves love. Nor does it involve Christian conduct.

As Robin Hammeal-Urban, expert on church misconduct, writes, disclosure of misconduct is essential if we are to be in right relationship with ourselves, each other, and God. Folks like Kemp Williams may decry the harm that comes from disclosure, but concealing misconduct only makes things worse. Indeed, churches that do so may suffer harm decades letter.

Consider the example from Robin’s book below, involving an assistant rector and a non-disclosure agreement:



And below are more excerpts from Robin’s book, covering the importance of disclosure.











And no discussion of the effects of hiding misconduct would be complete without noting that doing so prevents a congregation from understanding, recognizing healthy systems of checks and balances and boundaries.



My observation is that, like all narcissists, Bob Malm established no boundaries for his own conduct. Lying to his vestry, to his congregation, to his bishops, and even to the police and courts, all were okay. Yet the boundary he sought to establish for parishioners was no criticism of his conduct, ever. Indeed, he told me more than once that he would not address my concerns about his behavior. The diocese was even worse, showing zero understanding of its own role in the debacle. And to this day, the diocese and the parish vestry continue to try to defend their conduct in court — which, if they succeed, will only impose another impediment to the church becoming healthy and taking ownership of its issues.

Truly, Grace Church and its leadership appear determined to wreck the future of the parish. As things stand, they are doing an excellent job of doing exactly that.

Monday, March 2, 2020

Update: Grace Episcopal Files Demurrer and Proposed Order in Court Case

Earlier today I learned that Grace Episcopal Church and the diocese have filed a demurrer and proposed order in my case. While I have not yet received a copy, a demurrer generally asserts that a factual claim is accurate, while irrelevant to the underlying point. My bet is that litigation counsel will claim that Bob was not acting as agent for the church and diocese, despite the fact that he clearly held himself forth as such. Indeed, Bob told Dee Parsons that he and the parish leadership decided to pursue a protective order.

Of course, that creates a conundrum for the parish. If it succeeds in court, then it is stuck with me opposing it for years to come. And right now, the sorry state of the parish is such that it doesn’t have years left to leave its misconduct unaddressed.

I’ll post more as soon as I have it.

Monday, February 24, 2020

More Fun and Games from St. Dysfunction Episcopal

More fun and games today from the crowd at Grace Episcopal, otherwise known as St. Dysfunction.

Earlier today, while out protesting in front of the building (but entirely on public land),  I was pleased to see that Planet Malm continues to hold fast to Bob’s Malm’s motion of Christian conduct. Specifically, a well-known parishioner rolled past and flipped the One-Gun Salute to Jesus. So glad to see that he takes the baptismal covenant seriously. (Hint: He drives a black crossover and lives in Del Ray.)

Less than an hour later, two police units rolled in, on the basis that I had allegedly been stepping in front of vehicles. 

A few minor details:
  • Having never left the sidewalk or entered the curb cut, this must mean the driver was driving on the sidewalk. That’s odd—I didn’t see any vehicles on the sidewalk.
  • Pedestrians have the right of way as a matter of law.
  • Having seen the soccer moms and dads of Grace Episcopal School and how they drive, I can assure all involved I stay well away from all drivers associated with the school. And the church for that matter.
  • Patty Culbreth came out and spoke at length with one of the two responding units. Hmmm.
I have filed a FOIA request to learn more. 

In the meantime, it seems to me that folks at St. Dysfunction still have not learned anything about the perils of playing games with our legal system. I note as well that the tort of abuse of process can include reports made to police and regulatory agencies.






Thursday, February 20, 2020

Petition to Investigate Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Zooms Past 4000 Signatures



Check it out! Our petition asking the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia to show a little ethics by investigating perjuring priest Bob Malm has zoomed past 4000 signatures. We’re on our way to 5,000 and beyond!

Given that as of 2018 the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia only had 68,902 baptized members, you’d think Susan Goff and the other fat cats at Mayo House would get the hint. But as things stand, Bob Malm’s perjury is “not of weighty and material importance to the ministry of the church.” In fact, the gods of Mayo House will only deign to consider the matter if Bob Malm faces criminal charges. I guess that means if you are molesting children in an Episcopal church, you’re safe. After all, the diocese itself has said that the touchstone for it to get involved is criminal charges. But then, there is an exception for sexual misconduct...just look at other clergy disciplinary cases in Northern VA. I guess as long as it doesn’t involve sex you are okay.

And folks wonder why the Episcopal church is dying. No surprises there.

Thursday, February 13, 2020

Spiritual Abuse and Healthy Churches: Good Article in CT

There’s a good podcast on Christianity Today (“CT”) that discusses spiritual abuse in churches, why it’s often difficult to spot, and typically even harder to address. The information is very relevant to Grace Episcopal Church and the spiritual abuse/toxic dynamics within the parish. Take a listen here.

Key points:

Spiritual abuse, which often involves bullying and manipulation, typically is hard to detect, as it usually involves an ongoing series of small acts that, when examined individually, appear innocuous, but when taken as a whole, form a damning pattern.
  • Rejection of critical feedback, something I observed many times with Bob Malm, is a key indicator of spiritual abuse. Indeed, Bob refused all accountability, either ducking the issue with fabrications, such as saying of church office staff, “Don’t worry about it, they’ll be retiring this year,” or trying to shut it down via explosive outbursts of rage, as in when Lee Meeks brought up governance concerns concerning the Shrine Mont event at a vestry meeting.
  • Church leaders who engage in spiritual abuse often are adept at manipulating perceptions, thus making it difficult for people to realize just unhealthy a church has become. 
    • For example, consider Bob Malm’s “confession” in his final Grace Notes before retirement, in which he states, “in 30 years, I’ve not visited as much as I would have liked. As an example, out of the 15 current Vestry (sic) members, I’ve only visited the homes of 8!” That sort of pseudo-confession is typical of spiritually abusive leadership, and in Bob’s case amusing, as he never lacked time for golf, running/marathons or his month at the beach every summer. Indeed, I don’t recall ever hearing of Bob showing up at a hypothermia shelter, the homeless shelter, or any other ministry, except for Art on the Avenue and the annual altar guild tea. Hardly a grueling schedule, even by the most generous of standards.
  • Because spiritually abusive churches tend to place leaders on a pedestal, they tend to demonize critics. Moreover, one never sees concern within the church for those viewed as critics. 
    • While insiders view the situation as normal, outsiders may view church members’ conduct as childish, hateful, and toxic. Consider the comments on The Wartburg Watch, when Leslie Malm and Lisa Medley went on the attack after the publication covered Bob’s behavior at Grace Church. As one commenter put it, “While these parishioners may seem sane to themselves, they appear childish and hateful to outsiders viewing their actions.” 
    • Similarly, Kemp Williams’ emails about me, in which he says, “It is abundantly clear that Eric is psychopathic,” further illustrate the level of discourse within the parish. Leaving aside the fact that one would hope for better from members of the church, Kemp appears oblivious to the legal concept that opinion may be defamatory if the matter is provable as a matter of fact. The fact that conversations of this sort are acceptable and normative at Grace Church makes clear the depth and breadth of the issues within the parish, and the extent to which the diocese’s laissez faire attitude toward the parish is causing lasting harm. Here is Kemp’s email:


  • Because information flow within spiritually abusive churches often is tightly controlled, people rarely talk to others, preferring instead to talk about others. This is the case at Grace Church, where Bob tried to keep control of information by not releasing financial data, restricting dissemination of vestry minutes, and more. That trend continues to this day, and the fallout is reflected in Kemp’s email above. Given that Kemp has never discussed this thoughts directly with me, and Bob was for years largely indifferent to church security, one sees how this toxic paradigm plays out.
  • Denominational leaders, like Susan Goff, typically are willfully ignorant about issues of abuse, particularly spiritual abuse. They don’t understand it, and be choosing not to bring in those who do understand it and can advise them appropriately, they offer tacit and sometimes explicit support.
  • Toxic churches like Grace typically cause healthy individuals to seek other churches, leaving sycophants, empaths, enablers, and peacemakers at the helm. While these individuals often are well-meaning, they may have little appetite for directly addressing problems, particularly when the problems are as challenging as those involved in spiritual abuse. This certainly has played out at Grace Church, which has shed almost half of its pledging units in recent years, as well as numerous members.
    • Ironically, Lisa Medley claims that that I have said that my conflict is responsible for the church’s declining fortunes and that these issues transcend my conflict with Bob and the parish. She is correct that the parish’s problems go far beyond this conflict; indeed, her toxic responses underscore this reality.
    • Similarly, as the Rev. Robin Hammeal-Urban (canon to the ordinary for the diocese of Connecticut) notes, it is not the person who discloses abuse that is the cause of the harm that results. It is the abuser who is responsible for the harm. Thus, one can see in Kemp Williams’ email the classic response of a toxic church when abuse comes to light.
    • A healthy parish would be unaffected by the criticism of a former parishioner, no matter how noisy he or she might be. It is only as people realize that there indeed are serious problems that they begin to reduce their commitment to the church.
      • The fact that Bob Malm committed perjury, tried to drag a dying woman into court, repeatedly proffered false information to the courts, then tried to paper over the mess by seeking a settlement agreement containing non-disclosure and anti-disparagement clauses indicates just how toxic the church has become. 
  • As Dominique Benninger notes in recent media coverage of his experiences with spiritual abuse, “It is hard to trust once your faith has been used against you.”
  • In short, the best way to become a healthy church is to be a healthy church. And just like an alcoholic starts the road to recovery by acknowledging their problem, Grace Church will only be healthy when it tells the truth about what has transpired and the problems it faces. And like an alcoholic, Grace Church’s illness is progressive, meaning that left untreated it will only get worse, likely becoming terminal if it continues.

Wednesday, February 5, 2020

Petition Seeking Investigation of Perjuring Priest Bob Malm Passes 3,000 Signatures

Even as Bishop Susan Goff and the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia continue to try to ignore Episcopal priest Bob Malm’s perjury, lies, bullying, misuse of funds and more, signatures on my petition keep pouring in.

This morning, we passed 3,000 signatures, and 4,000 won’t be far off.

If you believe that clergy should be held accountable, that clergy should not be able to get away with perjury, and that churches should not be trying to drag dying people into court, please sign my petition today. Even better, chip in a few dollars and help spread word, or share my petition on your social networks.

Let’s tell the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, and perjuring priest Bob Malm’s new digs, the Episcopal Diocese of Massachusetts, that we expect better.

Thanks for your kind support.

Petition about perjuring priest Bob Malm passes 3,000 signatures



Friday, January 31, 2020

Nearby Church Proves Decline is Not Inevitable

As Grace Episcopal Alexandria continues its precipitous decline due to 30 years of feckless rector Bob Malm and the toxic church culture undercurrents he helped create and foster, it’s worth noting that the third fastest growing Episcopal church in the country is right here in Northern VA. That’s right—just 7.3 miles down the road from Grace Church, to be exact. That church is the Falls Church Episcopal (TFCE), which only a few years ago had an average Sunday attendance (ASA) of only 100 people, but has grown so quickly that ASA now surpasses that of Grace Church.

These data are derived from TFCE’s annual report, which is freely available online. Unlike Grace Church, TFCE makes its information public, because it’s got a message it wants to share with the community, and it doesn’t have secret agendas or other issues that it needs to hide for fear pesky bloggers see information about them. In other words, if you’re operating in the light of day, there’s no reason to keep stuff hidden. 

And not only is attendance at TFCE strong, but giving is as well. During the period 2010 to 2019, pledge and plate giving at TFCE more than tripled. By way of contrast, the number of pledging units at St. Dysfunction, aka Grace Episcopal, crashed and burned during that time, dropping from almost 400 to less than 200. And while the remaining pledging units have increased giving to try to make up the difference, Grace still faces profound financial challenges, having lost 33.55 percent of its purchasing power during the same period of time. 

Tellingly, it was in 2014 that perjuring priest Bob Malm demanded the demolition of the rectory and a massive increase in his compensation package, ultimately flushing more than $2 million in church funds down the toilet, while living life large with a month at the beach every summer, $3,000 going away parties for school staff, and more. Small wonder the church is in decline.

Here are TFCE screen caps relevant to this post:



And for those who’d like to see the TFCE annual report in full, it’s online here in PDF. Not only do us unenlightened heathens get access to that information without calling Amy Medrick, but TFCE actually welcomes all. Not some, not most, not all but the ones perjuring priest Bob Malm and Sugarland Chiow decide to lie about and label “domestic terrorists.” And, knowing TFCE firsthand, I can tell you that there are no Alison Hambeast Campbells or Princess Porcine Lisa Medley’s trying to decide who is welcome, and who isn’t.

Check it out:










Grace Episcopal, the Clergy Perjury Parish



Thursday, January 9, 2020

Perjuring Priest Bob Malm by the Numbers

And this warranted a $100,000 bonus in 2014 and $200K in annual compensation?

If you want to see just how much financial ground has been lost during perjuring priest Bob Malm’s tenure, take a look at the second image. It shows how much would have to be pledged for FY 2020 for the church to have the same buying power today as it had in FY 2008. The amount? It would be $1,095,359. In other words, if 2020 pledges came to $916,900, the church would have still lost 19.5% of its budget.

Looking at it another way, the church has lost 33.55% of its budget since 2008. Nice move Bob—no wonder the church paid you a $100,000 bonus in 2014!

Bob Malm, perjuring priest

Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish




Tuesday, December 31, 2019

Reflections as We Enter the Final Days of the 2020 Pledge Season





As we get ready to move into a new year, the Grace Church vestry has the unenviable task of preparing the parish’s 2020 budget. Similarly, members may be contemplating year-end gifts to the church. With those factors in mind, here are my thoughts on those issues.

On the one hand, the parish now is free of the deleterious effect of perjuring priest Bob Malm, at least on a daily basis. Michael Guy appears to be much more grounded in actual faith, and less in outward image.

That said, the church has yet to make peace with its past and Bob’s baleful influence. This is still a spendthrift church—one that pays $100k bonuses to a feckless rector, while cutting employee health benefits. A church that refuses to save for the future. A church that does next to nothing to grow, yet expects membership to miraculously increase. A church that claims to be a center for “outreach and healing,” yet puts very little money toward these goals. A church that tries to drag the dying into court, where members urge people to commit suicide, and where the rector commits perjury with impunity. In fact, the church named part of the building after its former Perjurer in Chief. A church that has to borrow to keep the HVAC on, but draws $3,000 out of savings for a party.

Even better, the church has the chutzpah to claim that it’s been careful with its funds. Leaving aside $100,000 bonuses and the more than $2 million cost to the church of Bob Malm’s personally owned rathole of a house, I guess that’s true. After all, those expenses don’t leave room for much else.

All of that points to a larger issue, which is how much longer will people provide funding for this toxic mess? The fact that Bob Malm can commit perjury with the full support of the vestry, Sugarland Chiow, the staff, and the diocese, then get part of the building named after him for his troubles, demonstrates that this is a church and denomination that is utterly broken and dysfunctional. Yes, the optimists among us think some of these issues will be addressed in another generation, but collapsing attendance, baptisms, and other indices of church health suggest that neither the denomination nor the parish have another generation during which to fiddle with the deck chairs.

If we look at Europe and the role of organized religion there, it seems unlikely that church ever will make a comeback. Once-bitten, twice shy applies, and this is a dog that’s bitten far too often to get any benefit of the doubt.

So, if you are a member of Grace Church, or of the Club Mayo crowd, my message to you is this: It is time for radical change. And if you can’t or won’t make that happen, it’s time to say goodbye. Grace Church, the diocese, and the Episcopal Church simply are no longer relevant.

And as the vestry plans for 2020, I’m here to tell you that more of the same isn’t going to work. No one wants to subsidize the lifestyles of the rich and famous, let alone the perjurious.


Saturday, December 28, 2019

Bob Malm Reduces Home Listing Price, Even as Alexandria Housing Market Ranks Among Most Competitive in the US

Dysfunctional Bob’s Crib Faces Price Cuts

In previous posts, I expressed concern about Bob Malm’s decision, jammed through the vestry, to tear down the rector and purchase a private residence. All-in, the decision cost the church more than $2 million—money it needed for other purposes. The folly of this decision is becoming increasingly evident, as Bob Malm has reduced the listing price of his former residence by $20,000. This despite the Alexandria housing market remaining among the most competitive in the nation,

To be sure, listing during the holidays is never easy, and often is regarded by buyers as a sign of desperation. And Bob’s agent has done everything right, including slapping a layer of paint over the worst signs of deterioration in the home.

Still, in a market when the average listing moves to pending in 17 days, and in which prices continue to rise, making Alexandria one of the most competitive housing markets in the nation, the fact Bob is cutting his asking price is telling. And the house is sold as-is, which makes clear that all involved recognize that there are issues.

In the meantime, the tear-down of the rectory locks the parish into offering a housing allowance for the indefinite future, probably extending until one of the more generous parishioners leaves their home to the church. This is problematic, for continuing declines in church income already are making for a perilously thin budget—one that leaves the parish teetering on the brink of existential crisis. 

Nor did Bob exactly bust his butt. Filled with his inflated but shallow sense of self-importance, Bob noisily proclaimed that the church’s lack of growth was “unacceptable,” at one annual parish meeting. Yet it’s not like he was leading the charge to actually do something about it. (Sorry kids, Art on the Avenue and some banners on the lawn, along with a single lit drop in Potomac Yards, doesn’t cut it.) Meanwhile, Bob was spending summers at the beach, going to the Boston Marathon, and otherwise slipping “out of town” whenever convenient, in some years being gone for 11 or more weeks of the year.

With the ill-advised 2014 bonus of $100,000 to Bob, which shored up Bob’s position in the loan, he undoubtedly will walk away with some cash from the transaction to plump his already generous defined benefit plan retirement. But in so doing, Bob walks all over the church he claimed to serve. And again, I have yet to hear a good explanation as to why church employees should face cuts to their health insurance, while Bob Malm gets treated like royalty. Isn’t health care a basic human right?

The entire situation reeks of dysfunction and hypocrisy—two values works that neatly summarize Bob’s 30 years with Grace Church.




Friday, December 27, 2019

Announcing Plans for 2020!


It’s that time again—time to ring out one year, and plan for a new one.

With that in mind, protests will continue around Alexandria, with some directly in front of the church, commencing late January. At that time, I will add Bob Malm to the present lawsuit, or file against him separately. I am not yet sure which approach I will take.

Another lawsuit will be moving forward in Pennsylvania, with specifics to follow. I am also contemplating a separate lawsuit against Leslie Malm and a family member of Bob’s, and possibly against several other individuals. Again, if I move forward, I won’t disclose details until the time of filing.

So, apropos Grace Church, 2020 will be a year marked by lawsuits and protests. And I won’t be backing down anytime soon.


Monday, December 9, 2019

Just Like the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia and Bob Malm, Church Ignored Warning Signs in Brian Boucher Case



Before we go further, let me say up front: To my knowledge, Bob Malm is not accused of any form of sexual impropriety.

That said, the case of convicted Canadian pedophile priest Brian Boucher sounds alarmingly similar to my experiences with Bob Malm and the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, both in terms of Boucher’s manipulative, possibly sociopathic, behavior and the diocese’s efforts to avoid dealing with the real issues. Indeed, in Boucher’s case, the diocese appears to have taken the matter more seriously than has the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia, for the former at least spent time and effort addressing the more obvious signs that Boucher was maladjusted.

In reviewing the Boucher media coverage, the first thing one notices is Boucher’s attention to his physical appearance. Even when headed to jail, Boucher consistently looks put together and carefully pressed. This is very similar to Bob Malm, who often appears inordinately consumed with keeping his SUV clean and polished, his tan, his hair color, and even his efforts to conceal his hair loss via transplants.

Then one transitions to Boucher’s conduct, in which, much like Bob Malm, he attempts to manipulate the world around him to suit his needs. Those of importance to him get attention and flattery, while those unimportant to him get ignored. Similarly, those who expressed concern about Boucher’s conduct found themselves denied access to the church and rectory buildings. Indeed, Boucher attempted to fire one parish employee who spoke out, and multiple families left Boucher’s parish, rather than comply with his manipulative behavior. Such conduct is strikingly similar to that of Bob Malm, even down to trying to deny access to the church building to critics.

Similarly, critics feared Boucher’s temper, which sounds suspiciously like the classic narcissistic rage. Boucher’s attempts at domination and control, much like Malm’s behavior, also seem to witnesses to be antithetical to his alleged calling as a priest.

Then we read about Boucher’s divisive conduct, in which he surrounds himself with a circle of loyalists who protect him and alert him to criticism from within the parish. Again, very similar to Bob Malm.

Turning to the diocese, we see that time and again officials turned a blind eye to the myriad warning signs of trouble. Yes, the church may have spent considerable time and trouble to deal with Boucher’s controlling behavior, but it never was willing to delve further into the issues, including assessing root causes behind the behavior. Indeed, even prior to ordination, those who feared Boucher was unsuited to the priesthood were ignored and brushed off.

This sounds very much like Bob Malm, where some parishioners, even as early as his calling to the church in Portsmouth NH, appear to have recognized that something was not right. For example, when Bob was in New Hampshire, one parishioner allegedly ran for vestry solely in order to see what Bob was “going to do to my church.”  While seemingly innocuous and easily dismissed, that sort of gut reaction to Bob should have been a warning sign.

Similarly, the ongoing flight of pledging units and the departure of numerous former leaders from Grace Church should be more than a warning sign to the Episcopal Diocese of Virginia; it should be the equivalent of Cheyenne Mountain’s air raid siren blaring in the night. People don’t pack up and leave a church in which they’re invested for trivial reasons. Instead, when they leave in droves, it’s because something is seriously wrong.

Will the church vestry and the diocese ever comprehend the real issues here? I doubt it. Between thirty years of Bob’s manipulative behavior, the organizational narcissism in the parish, and the inconvenience that would come with addressing Bob Malm’s misconduct, there is little reason for optimism.

For more on Boucher and the church’s attempt to avoid dealing with the real issues, visit the CBC’s investigative report at https://www.cbc.ca/news/canada/montreal/brian-boucher-history-investigation-1.5383177.

Saturday, November 30, 2019

Reflections on Friendly Versus Faithful


One of the things I learned from my experiences with perjuring priest Bob Malm and toxic Grace Episcopal church is that many people conflate friendly with faithful. As in, “Bob’s a good guy,” or “you’ll be welcomed with open arms.” Yes, Bob Malm is an ostensibly friendly guy. Yes, Grace Episcopal is a seemingly friendly church. But right behind both exist layers of toxic behavior that are contrary to the real meaning of Christianity.

It’s interesting: From friendly, people attribute ethical qualities. As one chucklehead at Christ Church said, “Why would you say that about a good man like Bob Malm?” referring to my assertion that Bob Malm committed perjury. Yet it doesn’t take much interaction at all to discover that Bob is a man who lies under oath, tries to drag the dying into court, deliberately misuses funds, directs church staff to exclude others, and goes after innocent family members in pursuit of his vendettas. In short, he is the antithesis of what one should expect of a priest.

My advice to anyone sizing up a new church or a new clergyperson: Take your time. Watch their actions. Ignore the flattery, smiles, hugs, and other window dressing.

I’d also point out that Bob’s comments about others are inappropriate for clergy, or anyone for that matter. Referring to Jan Spence as an “asshole,” or Lisa Doelp as “like a little spy,” is wrong. Nor do I believe his comments about Lisa. Nor do these sorts of comments build up others.

Similarly, folks can talk all they want about what a friendly church Grace is. but that doesn’t justify things like the bullying, gossip, and other inappropriate conduct that come from office staff, the choir, and the altar guild. Nor is there ever any excuse for urging people to commit suicide, Alison Campbell’s fun and games, or Lisa Medley’s toxic behavior. The fact that Bob Malm turns a blind eye to this sort of conduct and allows folks like this to serve in leadership positions reveals just how thoroughly broken Grace Church is. Grace, like many spiritually abusive churches, is like a yew, with pretty red berries. Yes, they are beautiful on the surface, but if you partake of them, you will find that they are toxic.

These issues extend to the diocese itself, where there is zero concept of accountability and no clergy discipline, unless the alleged misconduct involves sex. It is sad that The Episcopal Church is locked into a Madmen-era notion of misconduct in which only sex counts.

Lastly, to young people who turn their back on organized religion due to issues like this, I say this: You are spot on. Any church or denomination in which this sort of thing is okay is not one you should support. You won’t find Jesus or God in the midst of these modern-day Scribes and Pharisees.

Monday, November 18, 2019

Bob Malm’s Statement Against Interest Underscores His Questionable Veracity

Here is a good reminder of Bob Malm’s manipulative, dishonest conduct.

At a time when Bob was claiming he needed a protective order to deal with threats from me — threats that he refused to specify, even when ordered by the court to do so — Bob was making statements against interest, including this email to the Episcopal bishop of Virginia, in which he says that his wife and one of his daughters “give this [conflict] so much more attention than it deserves.”

Later, more evidence of questionable veracity on Bob Malm’s part.




Friday, November 15, 2019

Breaking News: Grace Episcopal aka the Clergy Perjury Parish, Susan Goff, and DioVA Finally Respond

Breaking news: I have just received notice that DioVA, Susan Goff, and Grace Episcopal, the clergy perjury parish, are represented by counsel. Predictably enough, counsel for the defendants is objecting to the subpoenas previously issued by the court.

In the meantime, I have suggested to counsel that we stipulate that there is no evidence to support Bob Malm’s assertion, made under oath, in writing, while advised by church legal counsel. In other words, that Bob Malm committed perjury.

We’ll see what happens.