Showing posts with label gossip. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gossip. Show all posts

Friday, September 20, 2019

DioSVA Norms: Anything But Normative At Grace Episcopal

One of the troubling things about Grace Church aka St. Dysfunction under Bob Malm is the way in which people talk to and about each other. With that in mind, check out the norms of the Diocese of Southern Virginia, which I adapted and used with permission while heading up the non-profit. 

Of particular interest is the request that people bring up issues only with those able to do something about it. Contrast that with parishioners who, encouraged by Bob Malm, speculate on my mental health and motives, while never once raising the issue with me. Kemp Williams, Jean Reed: Here’s looking at you.







Tuesday, February 12, 2019

Gossip at Grace: Another Sign of an Unhealthy Church

Remember when I posted the comment by a parish employee about how Bob Malm, aka Dysfunctional Bob, not only permits inappropriate discourse, but tacitly endorses it, by engaging in a certain amount of it himself? Well, in addition the the spectacularly bad example he and Sugarland Chiow have established in dealing with me, the reality is that, right behind the scenes, there’s lots of ugly discourse at Grace Church. 

To be fair, if you just show up on Sundays and hang out at coffee hour, you may never run into it. But I assure you, it’s alive and well. And its presence serves as a bellwether for the overall health of the parish.

A few good ones that I’ve heard:
  • Comments and speculation about one parishioner having a penile implant. (Seriously.)
  • Rumors about a recently married parishioner actually being gay — which is interesting, because that person is not a particularly good choice when it comes to defamation. I’ll leave it at that.
  • The endless speculation about infidelity and adultery in the parish.
  • Leslie Steffensen’s comments about me and money. Needless to say, I know who the source of those comments is.
  • Kemp Williams’ stupid comments about me.
Then there’s the use of gossip as a weapon, as I observed first-hand with Alison Campbell’s efforts to cause problems for me within the altar guild. And Lisa Medley’s post on The Wartburg Watch about my alleged $.02 donation. Yes, there was such a donation, but no, it was not mine, and it was not to the church. One would hope that Lisa would at least get her details right.

That said, the upshot is that when people use gossip as a weapon, that’s telling, for it’s only an effective weapon if people are receptive to it. And those who engage in it clearly have little concept of the damage they do to the church as a whole.

Sadly, it only takes a few to cause lasting harm to the parish.

Wednesday, May 30, 2018

Newsflash: Grace Church is #Clueless

In all of this, one of the amusing things is that neither Bob Malm, not Jeff Chiow, nor David Crosby,  nor the Grace Church vestry, nor church members, get it. That’s right, #clueless.

Newsflash: The problem you have is not negative reviews of your sad church. Nor will efforts to make negative reviews go away succeed. In fact, the more you attempt the latter, the worse you make things for yourself. For example, Bob Malm’s campaign of innuendo about “dysfunction” and “health” is now a laughing stock in some circles, and will be for a long time to come. The fact that, as a church, you buy into his silliness just adds to the amusement.

Newsflash #2: When people look at your conduct, they don’t see anything even remotely Christian, and it has nothing to do with my blogging.

Nor do the following work:
  1. Suggesting that I commit suicide.
  2. Contacting my employer and current church.
  3. Claiming that I am delusional, for there are plenty of original source materials on this blog, with many more to come, including Jeff Chiow’s inflammatory and abusive legal pleadings. 
  4. Arguing that there are two sides to every story. The conduct documented in this blog is wrong and un-Christian, no matter how you parse the issues.
  5. Lying about what has transpired.
  6. Threatening me or my family.
  7. Claiming you took Ambien, LOL. (For the record, no one’s tried that line yet, but doing so would be in keeping with Bob Malm’s usual antics.)
Newsflash #3: The reality is straightforward: The only way to have people regard your sad church as healthy is to be healthy. No shunning, no bullying, no parking lot conversations about former parishioners, no emails about your perceptions of the mental health of others, no threats, no innuendo, no lies claiming that I left on my own. When the day comes (unlikely as that is) that I and others who have criticized you can walk into Grace Church and be welcome, then you will be on the road to health. (For those of you who are still shaking your heads, Google “prodigal son.” Yeah, in the Bible.)

Until you change your behavior, Grace Church will continue its precipitous decline. People are not stupid, and they understand that sooner or later they too will experience your toxic behavior if they associate with you.