Showing posts with label Lisa Medley. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Lisa Medley. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Hurricane Alert: Bob Malm Rides a Storm Surge of BS Out the Door

In this month’s Grace Notes, Dysfunctional Bob’s last before retirement, he offers a short blurb about “things left undone,” during his tenure. True to form, it’s an utter piece of BS.

  1. Bob only addresses “those things undone” during his so-called “ministry.” While items on that list are myriad, Dysfunctional Bob blithely says he’s tried to make visiting members a priority. Coming from someone who has pretty much been “out of town” any time he has felt like it, who takes six weeks a year of leave and then some, and who has plenty of time for golf, running, and traveling, let’s just say I’m not feeling it.
  2. Dysfunctional Bob conveniently overlooks the other side of sin, which is those things he has done. Bullying the vestry into an insanely generous compensation plan, pushing Mike out of the church/Christian faith, refusing to address misfeasance, nonfeasance and bullying among parishioners and staff, committing perjury, trying to drag a dying woman into court — the list of things Bob has done even surpasses the many areas of his nonfeasance. Nor do I see any sign that Bob will address any of these issues on the way out the door. Being the bully and coward he is, Bob clearly hopes to leave those issues to his successor. And yes, anyone who goes after a dying woman, or Mike, is a bully and a coward, as well as a lowlife.
  3. As to Dysfunctional Bob’s hopes for the Legacy Society, few will leave anything to the parish if the rector is free to unilaterally terminate their membership. The parish belongs to parishioners — those who pay the bills and provide the labor that makes things happen. The rector is there to serve the parish, not the other way around. Until the unbridled clericalism of  Planet Malm is addressed, all I can say is “don’t hold your breath.” And nowhere do I see any sign that Bob has left money to the parish in his will. Res ipsa loquitur.
  4. True to form, Bob’s list of outstanding major building projects is much too short. The faux slate roof still needs to be replaced, there’s tons of rotting wood trim, the nave needs adequate air conditioning, the 1989 double-pane windows need to be replaced, the pole lamps in the parking lot are overdue for replacement , inefficient lighting needs to go, basement windows need to be replaced, and water lines in the original building are at end of life. In short, there’s a ton of work to be done and major bills to go with it.
  5. Bob asserts that people have forgiven him for those things left undone. While folks at Grace are generally good in that department, it’s also fair to say that, being unable to effect change, members in many cases are more resigned that forgiving. That’s in keeping with Dysfunctional Bob’s modus operandi: Do whatever the hell he wants/ignore things, apologize on the way out the door, give a hug, and keep right on trucking. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it. Don’t need another.
  6. The key thing missing from Bob’s article is the elephant in the room. Being the narcissist that he is, Bob has focused attention and adulation on himself, not God. Like all narcissists, he is toxic, and through thought, word, and deed has taught the parish to be be an organizational narcissist. In short, he has created a toxic parish in which it’s okay to lie, bully others (even the dying) commit perjury, encourage others to commit suicide and more. Indeed, in the midst of his efforts to portray me as a “domestic terrorist” and mentally ill, the one thing that never came up anywhere in the parish was any love or concern for my mother, Mike, or me. The Jean Reeds and Kemp Williams of the parish may bloviate about their Christian faith and being “servants of Christ,” but their lack of concern for others puts the lie to their words. And I have plenty of internal church emails that prove my point. Yes, Bob can be friendly and charismatic, but friendly and faithful are not the same thing, and Bob’s faith is nominal, at best. Moreover, if you doubt Bob is a narcissist, just look at his narcissistic rages—those over-the-top explosions that happen when he feels threatened. I’ve seen several, and they are utterly contrary to any standard of Christian conduct, as well as strongly suggestive of narcissism. Please quote me on that.
At this point, I primarily feel sorry for folks at Grace Church. Bob Malm played them, and he is leaving a huge mess behind. Worst of all, many in the church still have absolutely no clue that the parish is a mess. Indeed, many regard the toxic morass at the parish as normative, which is a sorry state of affairs on multiple fronts.

So, as a counterpoint to Bob’s empty triumphalism and BS about how Grace represents “true religion,” and “taking part of Grace with you,” I offer up this question:

If Grace is such a slice of paradise, why the current state of decline? 

PS Lisa Medley claims the church is “thriving.” If that’s the case, why did Fanny Belanger walk out two years early? Why have more than 1/3 of pledging units left? As I stated previously, lying has become normative for many parishioners and underscores the fact that the church is toxic.

Friday, March 22, 2019

Yet Another Blast From the Past: Lisa Medley’s Lies on The Wartburg Watch

Here’s another example of the sort of BS that comes out of Grace Episcopal, aka St. Dysfunction: Lisa Medley’s comments on The Wartburg Watch, characterized by her typical fabrications, combined with a certain lack of mastery of the facts.

Lisa’s comments were posted in response to the second Wartburg Watch article on my situation at Grace Episcopal Church. On one level, they pointedly duck the biggest issue, which is Bob Malm’s perjury. Under oath, Bob stated inter alia that my Mom made and other family members repeatedly made appointments with him and no-showed. This is a bold-faced lie, as it simply didn’t happen, and Bob has produced no evidence to back up his claims.

On another level, we see Lisa’s strained relationship with the truth, including her statement that I spent the last six months of my time at Grace lobbying to get the parish admin fired. That’s an interesting claim, since the employee in question had resigned more than a year earlier, in the summer of 2014. But hey, when was bearing false witness ever an issue for Lisa, Bob Malm, or people at Grace church?

Of course, there’s also her unsupported claim that my response to Bob’s misconduct is based on her being named senior warden. How she reaches that conclusion is a curious thing, since anyone who knows me at all knows I like working with the physical plant and would have loved to have served as junior warden for another year. But again, truthfulness does not appear to be Lisa’s strong suit. Same for her assertion about readership of this blog—without access to the login, how would she know what readership is? Not to mention the church’s website has had nowhere near the same number of hits during that times, especially from outside the parish.

Then there’s her claim that I’m the only person who’s complained. That’s either a case of dishonesty on her part, cluelessness, or some combination of both. She likely has seen John Cunningham’s Facebook post, in which he states for all the world to see that he had very similar experiences. I also can think of a number of other people who’ve left for similar reasons, and it’s highly likely she does too. Of course, she conveniently ignores her bitchy, manipulative behavior, which started when she and several others decide to wade into my previous issues with Kelly Gable. She is well aware of this conduct, as are numerous others, both in her family and the church.

Lisa’s comments about Dysfunctional Bob “humbling” himself also are amusingly dishonest. Bob’s apology was directed to Mike, whom no one claims did anything wrong. How apologizing to an innocent family member that Bob decided to include in his vendetta is “humbling” himself escapes me—I guess it was a long trip down Mount Olympus. That said, Bob has never apologized to me, likely never will, and doesn’t have the um....spine....needed to do so.

Then we turn to Lisa’s efforts to throw shade on Dee’s assertion that the church is declining. The reality, however, is that both the church’s own reports and the annual parochial report reveal that the church has lost more than 100 pledging units, while the church’s budget continues its steady decline. That data also is available on this blog.

The best documentation of Lisa’s conduct and ethical worldview, however, is her comments themselves. There’s nothing even remotely Christian about them, and she clearly learned very little from the criticism over her previous remarks on The Wartburg Watch, in which third parties told her that she was “childish and hateful,” among other things. Yes, she tried to back into things by shifting to a more passive-aggressive approach, but that did absolutely nothing to conceal her real motives and attitude.

Most significantly, Lisa’s comments underscore another issue, which is the level of discourse at Grace church under Bob Malm. The fact that anyone would consider her tone or content to be appropriate shows that Grace is a toxic church. And it’s exactly that attitude that gives rise to comments like her daughter’s urging me to “go kill” myself — proof positive that Grace church is nothing but a religion-based social club, and not a particularly good one at that.

So, my advice is this: If you decide to become involved with Grace Church, take your time, look, listen and learn. While people are friendly and welcoming, this sort of discourse and gossip lurks right behind the scenes and tells you what’s really going on in people’s hearts.

Or, as the Bible says, “The tongue has the power of life and death.” In Grace’s Church, people’s tongues far too often opt for an approach that doesn’t affirm life.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

A Blast from the Past: Third-Party Observers Describe Parishioners’ Behavior as “Hateful and Childish”

“While they seem sane to themselves, the seem immature and hateful to outsiders who are looking at their behavior.”

An excellent observation, and one that I believe applies to numerous parishioners in this situation.

Screen cap from comments on original Wartburg Watch article about Bob Malm’s abusive behavior.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Bob Malm and Church Discourse

As the final days of the 2019 pledge season wind down and the Grace Church vestry determines next year’s budget, it’s important to reflect on the values that Bob Malm brings to the church. Specifically, the lessons he teaches people about “respecting the dignity of every human being.” Or not.

Readers may recall the comments of one long-time parish employee, who noted the unhealthy way that people at Grace church talk to each other, and about each other, and Bob’s role in this paradigm.

Consider, for example, Alison Campbell’s fun and games with the altar guild during the time Bob Malm was out on disability, which involved stirring up the altar guild to try to cause problems for me, all while claiming that she was “just the messenger.” Leaving aside the disingenuous aspects of her actions, Alison undoubtedly felt justified due to my conflict with Kelly Gable. But in this, she overlooked both the fact that Kelly and I had resolved our differences, and the fact that it was not her place to get involved. Moreover, she ignored that fact that she never really understood that conflict in the first place, the spiritual aspects of her conduct, and the fact that her conduct has been profoundly damaging to the church.

And so it is with others, including Lisa Medley and her childish antics.

At the same time, Bob Malm has played a major role in these problems. For example, he saw no irony in saying to me, “There are people who have it in for you,” apropos issues with the altar guild. Of course, that aligns with Bob’s notion that people should solve their own differences—an odd idea when it comes to harassment, bullying, and other abusive conduct.

Of course, Bob also likes to stir the pot, and by doing so sets a bad example. For instance, I have personally heard him refer to Jan Spence as an “asshole.” Lisa Doelp he has referred to as, “like a little spy, always trying to find out stuff.” And the list goes on, including Peter and Cheryl Barnes and others, often postured as Bob taking you into his confidence. And folks, if you think you’re not included, I suggest you look up the word “delusional.”

It’s interesting too. Bob says that people should solve their own problems one-on-one, yet look at the many emails he has sent to diocesan officials, including Pat Wingo and Bishop Shannon; as well as to the Alexandria police department; and to Patti Culbreth, the head of school. And let’s not forget his messages to my friend Dee Parsons, and his use of Sugarland Chiow in court. All of these are replete with manipulative language, as well as references to me as “sick,” “twisted,” and “dysfunctional.” But the one person Bob has never contacted directly in an effort to resolve this conflict is me. Nor has he ever contacted my Mom. Nor has he contacted Mike, except as part of our now-abandoned agreement to end our conflict.

Healer, heal thyself.

Bob no doubt will read this and start his usual fun and games with Sugarland Chiow about defamation. But these issues are well documented, and parishioners can name many more incidents in which Bob has behaved badly. This includes his statement, allegedly made to Phil Smith and others as well as to me, about the former office staff, in which he said multiple times, “Don’t worry about it. They’ll be retiring this year.” Needless to say., many years came and passed, with no retirements. Where but a church can an employee like Bob lie to board members about important HR issues and keep his job? That’s right—nowhere.

By now, you’ve probably concluded that I believe Bob Malm to be toxic. If so, you’re correct. 

The larger question, though, is how much longer the church is going to pony up roughly $200K a year for this sort of conduct. 

If it doesn’t take action, I believe there will soon come a time where they will no longer be a Grace Episcopal Church, as it will have disappeared while wallowing in its own hypocritical filth. 

“Thy own words shall impeach thee.” Sound familiar?

Tuesday, December 4, 2018

Grace Episcopal: More on Bullying

Amidst Lisa Medley’s claims that no one else has complained about being bullied at Grace Episcopal Alexandria, aka St. Dysfunction, I have already supplied written evidence that her claims are a falsification, a lie. But there is additional evidence out there.

Earlier, I posted about the ridiculous and childish antics in the altar guild, when a senior member of the altar guild launched a year-long episode of the silent treatment towards the then-chair of the altar guild after the latter announced that members were free to wear — or not wear — the blue smocks the ladies had traditionally worn. This policy, which was approved by Bob Malm, angered the senior member of the altar guild, who apparently disagreed with the decision. Tellingly, there is no evidence to suggest that Dysfunctional Bob said, “No mas,” despite the fact that altar guild members serve at the pleasure of — you guessed it — Dysfunctional Bob.

The person on the receiving end of this bullying, after largely being ignored by Dysfunctional Bob, went to Anne Turner for guidance, possibly because of the existing relationship that parishioner had with Anne from her time as assistant rector at Grace church. In subsequent conversations with me, Anne shared that she too had also been on the receiving end of inappropriate outbursts from staff during her time with the church, but had not realized that others had had the same experience. Anne’s experiences date from the 2007 timeframe, so problems at St. Dysfunction go back more than a decade. Yes, more than a decade.

So, there are three additional examples of bullying and abuse of power:
  1. Shunning/bullying within the altar guild, and for truly stupid reasons.
  2. Inappropriate outbursts by staff towards clergy.
  3. Repeated failures by Bob Malm to establish behavioral norms for volunteers and staff members.
The upshot is that the Lisa Medleys of the world can lie all they want, but there is ample evidence on multiple fronts of abusive behavior and inappropriate responses to conflict within Grace Episcopal Church, and not just in Bob Malm’s decision to try to drag a former parishioner and a terminally ill woman into court based on his weird claims that terrorists are out to get him, or in Jeff Chiow’s abusive and misleading court pleadings containing multiple fabrications.

Folks, this is one toxic priest, and one seriously toxic church.

Wednesday, November 28, 2018

See for Yourself: Grace Episcopal Parishioner Contradicts Bob Malm

One of the amusing things about folks at Grace Episcopal is that they not only don’t get it, but they don’t get it. As in, they continue to prove my underlying points:
  • That the parish is toxic.
  • That the parish is Christian in name only.
Moreover, folks at the church are so eager to attack others they can’t even get their story straight.

In his ill-fated settlement proposal, in which Bob Malm wanted me to quit sharing my experiences with him and the church so that he could quickly slap a layer of “Jesus-babble” on things and move on, one of Bob’s first recitations is that the ongoing dispute between us is destructive beyond the courtroom. Needless to say, he wasn’t referring to me, as there’s nothing in his settlement proposal to address my needs, except his rather thin offer not to endorse public criticism of me. (Note that, behind the scenes, which is Bob’s usual playground, Bob would have been free to say and do whatever he wanted.)

Here is the screen cap:

Yet in her posting on The Wartburg Watch, “parishioner,” most likely the ever clueless and malicious Lisa Medley, says that claiming that the dispute is hurting the church is a narcisstic contrivance on my part. Guess she’s not a big fan of the whole notion of the Body of Christ (1 Cor. 12:26). No surprise there. And it conveniently overlooks the fact that, when he thought he’d get the upper hand, Bob specifically said he wanted the conflict to continue. Well, he got his wish.

Here is the screen cap:

That raises the question: Which of the two is telling the truth? Which is it, Lisa? 

As to Lisa’s claim about Bob “humbling himself,” the apology was directed to Mike, whom no one claims had anything to do with the original dispute. Even that took two tries, as Bob’s first attempt contained was a “sorry you were upset,” non-apology that, as one would expect, simply made things worse. And, in my experience, this is typical of Bob, as he seemingly does almost anything to avoid taking responsibility for his own behavior. Moreover, Bob’s bit about giving funds is a classic bit of BM BS: The solution is use funds per the terms under which you solicit them. That’s called “integrity” kids — not to mention, “avoiding fraudulent behavior.”

Meanwhile, you have to love Bob’s logic: As a gesture of reconciliation, you can now send money. Puhleeze.

Here is the screen cap:

Here is a copy of Bob’s second try, which at least came across as a real apology. Note that, even though Mom has written to Bob, he has never directly discussed the matter with her, yet now he tries to hang his hat on the whole notion that Mom has never been to Grace Church.

Newsflash, kids: You don’t have to enter a church to be ticked off when your memorial donations are misused at Bob Malm’s direction.

Of course, the whole thing speaks volumes to both Bob’s real faith, and that of the parish. This notion is neatly summed up in a recent ECFVP video about conflict in the church, screen caps follow:

So, as you consider pledging this fall, or giving to support the HVAC project, remember: “Who we are as the church is defined by how we deal with conflict.” And “How we respond to conflict reveals what/who we truly value.”