Showing posts with label Bob Malm questionable veracity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Bob Malm questionable veracity. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 3, 2019

Bob Malm’s Questionable “Confession”



Hurricane Alert: Bob Malm Rides a Storm Surge of BS Out the Door



In this month’s Grace Notes, Dysfunctional Bob’s last before retirement, he offers a short blurb about “things left undone,” during his tenure. True to form, it’s an utter piece of BS.

  1. Bob only addresses “those things undone” during his so-called “ministry.” While items on that list are myriad, Dysfunctional Bob blithely says he’s tried to make visiting members a priority. Coming from someone who has pretty much been “out of town” any time he has felt like it, who takes six weeks a year of leave and then some, and who has plenty of time for golf, running, and traveling, let’s just say I’m not feeling it.
  2. Dysfunctional Bob conveniently overlooks the other side of sin, which is those things he has done. Bullying the vestry into an insanely generous compensation plan, pushing Mike out of the church/Christian faith, refusing to address misfeasance, nonfeasance and bullying among parishioners and staff, committing perjury, trying to drag a dying woman into court — the list of things Bob has done even surpasses the many areas of his nonfeasance. Nor do I see any sign that Bob will address any of these issues on the way out the door. Being the bully and coward he is, Bob clearly hopes to leave those issues to his successor. And yes, anyone who goes after a dying woman, or Mike, is a bully and a coward, as well as a lowlife.
  3. As to Dysfunctional Bob’s hopes for the Legacy Society, few will leave anything to the parish if the rector is free to unilaterally terminate their membership. The parish belongs to parishioners — those who pay the bills and provide the labor that makes things happen. The rector is there to serve the parish, not the other way around. Until the unbridled clericalism of  Planet Malm is addressed, all I can say is “don’t hold your breath.” And nowhere do I see any sign that Bob has left money to the parish in his will. Res ipsa loquitur.
  4. True to form, Bob’s list of outstanding major building projects is much too short. The faux slate roof still needs to be replaced, there’s tons of rotting wood trim, the nave needs adequate air conditioning, the 1989 double-pane windows need to be replaced, the pole lamps in the parking lot are overdue for replacement , inefficient lighting needs to go, basement windows need to be replaced, and water lines in the original building are at end of life. In short, there’s a ton of work to be done and major bills to go with it.
  5. Bob asserts that people have forgiven him for those things left undone. While folks at Grace are generally good in that department, it’s also fair to say that, being unable to effect change, members in many cases are more resigned that forgiving. That’s in keeping with Dysfunctional Bob’s modus operandi: Do whatever the hell he wants/ignore things, apologize on the way out the door, give a hug, and keep right on trucking. Been there, done that, got the t-shirt to prove it. Don’t need another.
  6. The key thing missing from Bob’s article is the elephant in the room. Being the narcissist that he is, Bob has focused attention and adulation on himself, not God. Like all narcissists, he is toxic, and through thought, word, and deed has taught the parish to be be an organizational narcissist. In short, he has created a toxic parish in which it’s okay to lie, bully others (even the dying) commit perjury, encourage others to commit suicide and more. Indeed, in the midst of his efforts to portray me as a “domestic terrorist” and mentally ill, the one thing that never came up anywhere in the parish was any love or concern for my mother, Mike, or me. The Jean Reeds and Kemp Williams of the parish may bloviate about their Christian faith and being “servants of Christ,” but their lack of concern for others puts the lie to their words. And I have plenty of internal church emails that prove my point. Yes, Bob can be friendly and charismatic, but friendly and faithful are not the same thing, and Bob’s faith is nominal, at best. Moreover, if you doubt Bob is a narcissist, just look at his narcissistic rages—those over-the-top explosions that happen when he feels threatened. I’ve seen several, and they are utterly contrary to any standard of Christian conduct, as well as strongly suggestive of narcissism. Please quote me on that.
At this point, I primarily feel sorry for folks at Grace Church. Bob Malm played them, and he is leaving a huge mess behind. Worst of all, many in the church still have absolutely no clue that the parish is a mess. Indeed, many regard the toxic morass at the parish as normative, which is a sorry state of affairs on multiple fronts.

So, as a counterpoint to Bob’s empty triumphalism and BS about how Grace represents “true religion,” and “taking part of Grace with you,” I offer up this question:

If Grace is such a slice of paradise, why the current state of decline? 

PS Lisa Medley claims the church is “thriving.” If that’s the case, why did Fanny Belanger walk out two years early? Why have more than 1/3 of pledging units left? As I stated previously, lying has become normative for many parishioners and underscores the fact that the church is toxic.

Friday, August 24, 2018

Email from Mike Jones Confirming Bob Malm’s Instructions to Exclude Us

Just in case anyone is confused by claims by Bob Malm or the Grace Church vestry about the circumstances of our departure from the church, here is a screen cap of an email from Mike Jones, the person then in charge of the lay eucharistic ministers, confirming that Bob had contacted him to make sure we did not remain involved in the life of the parish.

Do you really want to give your time, talent and treasure to a church where the vestry and rector lie to you? As far as I know, both the vestry and Bob Malm continue to misrepresent these issues.






Saturday, April 28, 2018

Grace Church, Leaks, and Truth

One of the amusing things in recent weeks has been the chance to see firsthand the extent to which members of Grace Church wrongly believe that there’s much of anything that goes on in the church that is secret.

In a small community of any sort, it it normal for information to move quickly between members, often through informal channels. That tendency is enhanced when, as at Grace Church, persons in positions of power use that power not for the greater good of the community, but rather to pursue their own goals. A case in point is Bob Malm’s current smear campaign directed at me, in which he has repeatedly made innuendos (and public statements), in which he asserts that I am mentally ill. In situations such as this, “leaders” like Bob actually rely on back channel communications to pursue their objectives.

Of course, in doing so, Bob and others make clear that such behind-the-scenes communications are okay. As a result, even issues discussed “in executive session” by the vestry typically reach me quickly, often in a matter of hours. At the same time, communications flow outward from the parish, reaching far into local communities, and often much further.

As a result, Bob may think he is getting the upper hand in his efforts to silence critics, but the reality is any such “victory” is entirely illusory. Rather, Bob is causing lasting damage to the parish, to his own reputation, and to The Episcopal Church. The result will be ongoing declines in the church’s fortunes.

My view is that may not be a bad thing. Jesus had scant use for clergy who felt that their positions were an entitlement. In fact, one of the recurring themes in Jesus’ ministry was his disdain for those who, while loudly professing their faith, served as a stumbling block to the faith of others. In other words, Jesus would have had little patience for Bob Malm and his self-righteous assertions about how  Jesus is “truth” (his quotes, not mine), all while engaging in smear campaigns and shunning.

In fact, when we met in Fredericksburg, Bob said, sitting right in front of  the Episcopal bishop of Virginia and the canon to the ordinary, “Having resigned from the vestry, you were no longer eligible to serve as a trustee.” I pointed out that no such policy exists, and in fact none of the trustees were, at that time, vestry members. Doubt it? Both Pat Wingo and Bishop Johnston were sitting right there.

What was that about Jesus and truth again?

Friday, March 16, 2018

Bob Malm’s Bogus Allegations and Their Effect on the Church and School

One of the truly troubling things about Bob Malm’s antics is his alleged claim, reported to me by a reliable source, that teachers at Grace School fear that I will come in and “shoot up the school.” Besides being utterly ludicrous — I am fully polygraphed, among other things, and have a spotless background — I seriously doubt that teachers really believe that, especially as I know most of them personally.

That said, signs suggest that Bob is uncomfortable discussing this matter publicly. Yet the recent vestry minutes, publicly available on Grace’s website, make explicit reference to the matter.

So which is it? Is Bob prepared to go public with his accusations? If he really believes his accusations, don’t people (church and school alike) have a right to know?

At the end of the day, my feeling is that Bob Malm puts his vendetta with me first, and the welfare of the church, the school, and his family second.

That’s pretty sad for a member of the clergy.

Friday, March 9, 2018

Email from Mom Disproving Bob Malm’s Bogus Claims

As Bob continues to falsely claim that Mom’s blog is mine and otherwise do his best to trash his own reputation and that of Grace Church, here is what Mom recently wrote about the matter. Note that I have redacted a few words in the seventh line, as I do not wish to lower myself to Bob’s level when it comes to discussing others.




Friday, March 2, 2018

Email from Mom

As Bob Malm goes around claiming that Mom’s blog is mine, that begs an obvious question: Having received email from Mom before, and knowing that she previously filed a complaint against him with the Diocese of Virginia relating to his misconduct, why would Bob not deal directly with her? Indeed, if he truly believes Mom’s blog is threatening (a laughable proposition, given that she suffers from end-stage emphysema), why would he not raise that question directly with her?

My belief is that Bob doesn’t choose to, simply because it’s easier for him to promulgate his false view of reality if he does not, in fact, allow reality to intrude. I mean, wouldn’t a sensible person deal directly with the person who has already been in communication with him? Wouldn’t that seem like a prudent thing to do before you start calling the police and others? Of course it would, and certainly not inappropriate for a member of the clergy. But then, in light of things like Bob’s oft-repeated claim in response to complaints about church office staff, “Don’t worry about it, they’ll be retiring this year,” there’s already ample reason to question Bob’s veracity. Note, too, that neither the diocese nor Bob has ever done anything to address Mom’s concerns, so why would either think that those concerns are now resolved?

Here’s a copy of Mom’s email, replete with the VIP list of cc’s.







Thursday, March 1, 2018

Bob Malm and Boundary Issues

As many of you know, I transferred out of Grace Church in August 2017. As a result, Bob Malm is not my priest. Further, none of the legal privileges that clergy hold apropos members applies after that date.

What does that mean in practice? Several things.

First, it means that internal church communications between, for example, Bob and vestry members are not privileged when it comes to tort claims, such as defamation and invasion of privacy. That would include claims by Bob that I have somehow threatened him.

Second, it implicates serious boundary issues. For example, by Bob’s own admission he has called both an employer and my current church. Apropos the former, Bob claimed I had made terroristic threats, and attempted to invade my privacy by asking about possible mental health care on my part.

Amusingly, it appears that Bob neither realizes that I am no longer a member, nor the thin ice he is on when he claims I have made terroristic threats—despite the fact he has acknowledged that both the police and the FBI found no reason to pursue his claims. He further has acknowledged that I have not spoken to him since spring 2017, and that I have not threatened him.

Yet another example of Bob Malm’s questionable judgment and ethics.

I’ll be writing more about these topics soon, but in the meantime, I would caution anyone considering becoming involved in Grace Church that Bob’s pastoral ethics are cause for serious concern.